


The 160

by specifiedtrash



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-05
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-16 11:04:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 40,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3485867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/specifiedtrash/pseuds/specifiedtrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kanon manages to throw as fast as her cousin and win their bet, meaning Leon owes her a date. Problem is, not only does he still just see her as a sister, his girlfriend probably won't approve when she finds out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Months had passed since Leon had proposed a bet to Kanon. If she could pitch as fast as he could, he'd take her out on a date. A real, proper date, not just spending time together as friends and cousins. The kind of date she'd been pestering him for for years.

Of course, he didn't think it would be easy. She'd get tired of trying, sigh and say 'oh well', give up on the bet and trying to win him over, and start acting like a normal cousin. Though, it _was_ possible, just... Difficult. If she couldn't do it, she couldn't pester him anymore. It would save him a few arguments with his girlfriend, if his stalker stopped appearing for a while. He'd had enough arguments about being close with the girls stalking him, not being bothered by it being his cousin, and, admittedly, he knew it was messed up to feel how he did about it. Some time away from her might help him clear his head and realize he was supposed to hate her for following him and pestering his dates.

Naturally, he hadn't expected to get ambushed on his way home, literally tackled by Kanon from behind and staggering a couple steps. He pulled down his headphones to yell at her for sneaking up on him, even though she'd probably been screaming his name for a block or two.

"Kanon- what are you doing?!" He snapped, and looked around to see if his girlfriend had seen. It didn't seem like she was around, so he let his guard drop. At the end of the day, his stalker, his cousin... Kanon was his friend. Probably the best friend he had. Some part of him had missed talking to her as often as he used to.

"Big Brother, Big Brother!" Kanon hugged him tightly, and he groaned, but didn't fight it.

"Yeah, yeah, nice to see you too." He patted her back once, to dismiss the hug and get her to let go of him. She complied and stood in front of him, practically bouncing in excitement, her wide smile just like the one he usually wore. Genetics. The reason he couldn't accept her offer of a date. Not because of risking birth defects or breaking laws, she'd kept him well-informed about those statistics, but because she _felt_ like a sister. They were cousins, but they'd grown up together. Everyone thought they were siblings, and they might as well be, as far as he saw it. Her smile was just another reminder of why the thought of dating her made his skin crawl.

"There's something I have to show you, come with me!" She pulled his hand and turned him around, trying to lead him back in the direction he'd come from.

"Kanon," he whined. "I just came from there, what's so important?"

"Just come!" She kept pulling, and he groaned, but complied. On their walk back, he asked again what she wanted to show him, but she refused to answer, still wearing a bright smile and giving him no answers. It wasn't long before he was back at the field they'd gone to to give her lessons in pitching. She'd started crying from that lesson, told him it was beautiful, thanked him for showing her how he could pitch. He was an abysmal teacher, but at least she seemed to enjoy his lesson. Remembering how she'd sworn to do it made him worried about what she was about to show him. She lead him to a spot on the field, one she'd chosen earlier and marked by leaving a chair and bag of things. She pulled open the bag and took out what looked like a gun, but it wasn't quite similar enough to make him worry about how she'd gotten it. She switched a button and held it out for him to take. "You know what this is?" He took it from her and had a closer look.

"Oh, it's one of those... The things that measure speed, huh?"

"Radar gun, yep!"

"Cool." He pointed it at Kanon and pulled the trigger, making a sound effect and feigning kickback. Kanon laughed, but instead of clutching her chest and playing dead, she gripped the muzzle and looked at him.

"Just measure for me, okay?"

"Sure."

Kanon picked a baseball out of her bag, took a few steps away, and held it close to her chest. He could see her take a slow, cool breath, eyes closed to get her focus. Leon held up the radar gun. "Ready when you are." Kanon nodded, took a moment, and wound up the pitch. Leon kept the radar gun level, waiting for her to start. He watched her throw, and felt a shiver when he saw how fast it had flown.

No way. He looked at the display on the radar gun.

"What's it say, what's it say?" Kanon rushed over to him and pulled the gun to get a look. He said nothing, stunned into silence. She pulled it from his hands to see the display, squealing in delight and throwing her arms around him. One-hundred and sixty. _Point three._ Kanon started kissing his face over and over, and he was too stunned to shove her off. "I was so nervous- I thought for sure I'd mess it up when you were looking! I'd be so embarrassed! But I'm not! Because I did it! I did it I did it I did it! So now we can be together and you'll be my boyfriend and we can kiss and get married and be together forever!"

"... Huh?" She squeezed him in her hug, overjoyed.

"Aren't you excited?"

"I'm... For what?"

"For our date!" She covered his face in ecstatic smooches, getting a coat of lip gloss anywhere she kissed. Leon shook his head back to reality and squirmed out of her hug, wiping his face on his sleeve.

"Wait, hold on, back it up!" He held up his hands to keep her distanced. "Date? Me and you?" Kanon's expression fell.

"Yeah. Our date."

"I dunno Kanon, it's... It's weird! We're cousins!"

"Big Brother, no! _You're_ the one that suggested this bet in the first place! I practised every day, for hours and hours, until my hands bled, all because it was the only way I'd get-"

"Okay, okay!" Leon interrupted her, hearing the choke in her voice and redness in her eyes. "Don't get upset, yeah, I know I said that, but is it really... Is it what you really want?" Kanon stared back at him, eyes watering, lip and cheeks shaking with how close she was to crying.

"More than anything in my life." Seeing her like this kicked him in the stomach with guilt. He'd seen the callouses on her hands, he knew how badly she wanted this, how hard she'd worked. He patted her head and smoothed down the soft blonde hair. It was the only way he knew to console her, and it seemed to even out her breath, at least.

"Okay, but-"

"No but. That's what I want." Her voice was a whine, quiet, and he kept petting her hair.

"Yeah, I know, just lemme say it, huh?" Kanon nodded and sniffed. "If we do that, if we go out on a date, if it becomes a usual thing... Then we're not like siblings anymore, right?" She slowly nodded. "So I can't treat you like a sister, I have to treat you like a... Like somethin' else."

"A girlfriend."

"Yeah, that. We'll see. But if you're not my little sister anymore, we can't do sibling stuff. That means no sneakin' into my bed if you have a nightmare. We gotta start fresh like any, uh..."

"Couple."

"Yeah. Like any one of those. That means you can't be my stalker either, right?"

"... Hmm?"

"You can't sit outside my bedroom and watch me through the window, no following me around from a distance. You gotta just be... Normal." Kanon swallowed, but nodded slowly. He knew this would be an adjustment for her, but he sighed and stopped patting her hair, letting his arms droop at his sides. "Don't look so sad. If we're goin' out, you're not sneakin' into my room 'cause you're fallin' asleep in it in the first place. You're walkin' beside me, not following behind. In the room with me, not watchin' through the window." Her face slowly lit up again, brighter the more he spoke, and she flung herself at him again, latching on in a tight hug. He could feel tears soak through his shirt and heard her stifle a sob. "Hey... You crying? What's wrong? Aren't you happy?"

"Yes, Big Brother," she gave a laugh into his chest. "I'm so happy, I don't know what to do... This is... It's like..." She fumbled for the words to describe how she felt. He knew it meant a lot to her, but she always surprised him with the depth of it.

"Alright, don't get sappy, huh? We haven't even gone yet. We're still cousins right now, okay? So... I guess do whatever cousin-stuff while you can."

"When are we having our date?"

"Oh, uh, I dunno. When d'you wanna?"

"Right now?"

"No good, I got plans in an hour." He took his phone from his pocket and looked at it over Kanon's head. "Ah, shit, I'm late. We'll plan it out later, huh?" Kanon nodded and leaned up to kiss him, but he was already pulling his headphones up and kicking into a run.

Within minutes he got a text from her, saying she was super excited, lots of hearts, love you so much, all that usual noise. Leon didn't mention it, but it was on his mind the entire night. How was he supposed to bring it up? While his girlfriend was cuddled into him watching a movie, was he supposed to just say, 'Hey, I'm going to date my cousin, but I don't want to break up or have a fight. That's fine, right Babe?'

What a nightmare.

In the end, he opted to say nothing. More than likely, he'd take her out once, they'd both laugh at the notion that this had been a good idea, and leave as good friends that understood themselves a little better. No one else even had to know about it. Still, for good measure, he texted Kanon with a simple ' _dont mention it to people just yet, ok??'_ That would be good enough. Kanon never did things against his word. He used it sparingly enough. He was easygoing and let her do whatever she liked, for the most part. Even stalking him hadn't crossed the line, though maybe it should've, and only on rare occasions had he felt the need to forbid her from anything. He had confidence she'd follow his request and keep it to herself. Who would she tell, anyway? She didn't have many close friends at school. Even if she did, they weren't close enough to him to cause any trouble. Who else did she talk to? Her parents?

... _Shit_. If his aunt and uncle found out, they'd skin him alive for it. His own parents would find out. What would they do? Scold him? Refuse to let him speak to his cousin again? Move him to another city? Disown him? He sent another to reinforce his point, ' _esp not our folks i wanna tell them myself'_. Now it would sound romantic. Or something. ' _its important'_. After a couple minutes, she replied.

' _now whos spamming whos phone??? ♥ ♥ ♥ i was in the shower xoxo_ ' He cringed internally. The hearts and X's and O's were the norm from her, but since today, he read them in a different voice. Another message followed. ' _i wont tell them but can we do it together??_ ' It was a relief he was doing this over text, he could take a minute to think of his answer before saying it.

' _not yet_ '. That had taken him too long to decide if it was the right thing to say, and he still wasn't certain when he hit send. ' _too early to introduce a girl to my parents_ '. Good one.

' _ok!!_ ' Yeah. Just one date and she'd be over this ridiculous infatuation, then they could go back to being friends, with none of the awkwardness when she said she loved him. ' _what are u doing??_ ' He stared at the screen for a minute.

' _going to bed. bye_ ' He tossed his phone onto his desk, sighed and logged onto his computer. A moment later his phone lit up again to say he had a new message, but he ignored it in favour of finding a new game to install and play for a couple more hours. A couple times his phone lit up, but he ignored it any time it displayed Kanon's name, feigning being asleep. At eight. Ah, well. It's not like she'd know, either way.

He'd already checked outside his window, closed the blinds, and left the room dark.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day, Leon woke up to seven new messages on his phone, and one missed call. He sat up, thinking something bad had to have happened, and opened up the text screen. All were from Kanon. _'Wake up sleepyhead!!' 'when's our date???' 'thinking about you xoxo'._ He sighed and flopped back down into his bed. Nothing urgent, just his cousin being clingy, but... Well, the date meant a lot to her. He'd have to figure something out for that before too long, or she'd turn insufferable.

What should he suggest? A movie? Easy enough. They could sit in the dark and ignore each other for an hour or two, call it a date and go home. But remembering the look on her face made him change his mind. It had to be terrible enough that she wouldn't ask for a second date, but not so terrible she'd catch on to what he was doing. Just a genuinely bad date, not shoving her into an open sewer. He stared at the ceiling and tried to think. After a moment he picked up his phone again. _'i'll come get you at 7_ '.

The day went too fast, as Saturdays usually did. It was already just before seven when he remembered he was supposed to meet his cousin. Really, he should sprint out the door right now, if he hoped to be within half an hour of when he'd promised. Instead, he got changed, fixed his hair, brushed his teeth and gave himself a generous mist of his favourite cologne. A lazier version of his normal pre-date routine, but still more than he usually did to meet with Kanon. She'd appreciate that.

By the time he got to her door, it was closer to eight than seven, but she was waiting by the window anyway. She startled and dropped out of sight when he was in view, making him laugh to himself at how nervous she must be. He couldn't see why. It was just _him_ , after all. They were close already. He stepped up towards the door, reached to knock, only to have it swing open before he could.

"He's here- I'll be back later! Bye Daddy!" She pulled the door shut behind them, eagerly linking arms with him and hopping down the steps. Now that she was closer, he could tell she'd poured most of the day into her appearance. He'd known her so long that he knew how she looked first thing in the morning, and though her daily makeup was thin, today, she really dolled herself up. There was blush on her cheeks, her lip gloss had more shine, gold eyeshadow with more sparkles than usual... On top of that, she'd curled her hair into flawless hoops, put on clean clothes he'd never seen before- even the bow in her hair was new and crisp. He hadn't noticed at first, but she'd even put a pattern into her nailpolish that hadn't been there yesterday. In fact... Had she had a manicure?

"Hey, Kanon," he smiled in greeting and headed down the street, hands in his jacket pockets, Kanon linked into his elbow. "You look nice, I kinda feel underdressed." Though he meant it as a joke, she seemed to be made nervous.

"Did I overdo it?"

"What? No, you look really good. It's a compliment."

"Oh! Thank you!" She squeezed his arm and leaned into him. "Where are we going? Is it a surprise?" Oh yeah. He forgot to tell her. Well, sure, a surprise was fine too.

"Yep, a surprise! You trust me?"

"With my life, Big Brother."

"Yeah, I know you do."

It wasn't original, or impressive, but the fair was only in town for one more week, and neither of them had gone yet. Either way, he probably would've asked her to come as his friend and cousin, just to see the attractions and try out the rides. When they got to the gates, Leon held up two fingers and handed over enough to cover both of their admission. Kanon squeezed his arm in excitement.

Leon took the fold-out map he was offered, pocketed it, and walked with Kanon further into the excitement. Right away, stands were there to greet them with foods for sale, cold drinks, anything on a stick and deep fried.

"What d'you wanna do first? Hungry?"

"Anything. I want you to enjoy yourself too, Big Brother. No matter what we do, I'll be happy just being with you."

"Yeah. What about..." He looked at the attractions ahead, and weighed the options in his head. "That one?" He pointed ahead, towards the smaller of the two roller coasters. "That way, we can go on the big one after, and it won't seem like a step down or disappointment or whatever. And if we eat after, we don't have to worry about losin' it on the ride." Kanon looked at the ride, but stayed quiet, just mutely nodding.

"Anything you want."

"Great." He smiled and hurried off, dislodging her hold on his arm, but she wasn't far behind. The line wasn't too bad, considering, and they were being fastened in before very long. Leon wore a wide smile, but the girl beside him seemed a few shades paler than her foundation implied. She stayed quiet while the attendant fixed the safety bar in front of them, pulled on it to test it, and just gave a nod when she was asked if she was alright. The ride lurched forward to start, and Kanon's painted nails shot to the guard rail to hold on tight. Leon watched ahead, still giving an excited smile. It crawled forward until Leon and Kanon were peering over the first drop. He threw his arms up and cheered. The ride, in his opinion, was a blast. It had two loops, a delay while they were upside down, constant speed and back-and-forth. They barely had time to breathe between spirals and turns, and through each one, he was smiling and laughing, right up 'til the moment when the ride slowed to a crawl. There was a delay while the cars in front of them were emptied. He beamed over at Kanon, who was gripping into the guard so tightly she'd chipped her manicure on more than one nail. Her teeth were still clenched, one fake eyelash was out of place, the other was missing, and her eyeliner had smudged at the corners. But the worst was her hair. Those careful, doll-like curls were swept around like a disaster victim. Blonde pointed in every direction, palm trees after a hurricane. Stuck to her face, suspended in the air, tossed and frizzled. All that work she'd put into it. Leon laughed at the sight. Kanon gave a couple short, sharp breaths. "You should see yourself!" He laughed and put a hand in her hair, giving it a ruffle, but actually serving to flatten it out. "You alright, Kanon?"

"Buh... Big Brother..." The guard lifted, finally letting them leave. Leon got up and climbed out, turning back and seeing Kanon still frozen in place. Her eyes had gone red and cheeks were twitching. Oh crap.

After getting her off the ride, Leon helped her to the washrooms, and sat on a bench and waited for her to come back out. Five minutes became ten, ten became twenty. After half an hour he was worried. She wasn't answering his texts, either. He stopped someone on her way out of the ladies' room.

"Hey, sorry, can you see if my friend is in there?"

"Huh?"

"She's just in the bathroom, but it's been a while, I just wanna make sure she's okay. She's like, this tall, blonde, wearing a black skirt?" Just as he said it, Kanon stepped out of the washroom. "Nevermind, that's her." He caught up to Kanon and gave a confused smile. "What took you so long? I was thinkin' you'd ditched or somethin'. You okay?" Her hair was brushed back, the curls were ruined, but she looked herself. Her makeup was cleaned up again and she didn't seem quite so close to tears, just tired.

"Yes, I'm fine. Sorry for keeping you waiting, Big Brother. I didn't... I felt a little queasy..." She looked off to the side, clearly embarrassed. "And I couldn't get mints or anything from the dispenser, and my gum pack was empty, and I didn't bring a toothbrush or anything-"

"Oh, no, that's fine, you don't have to worry about-"

"I- I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't find my phone, and I was scared to come out and have you see, and I think I dropped it on the ride, and I just-" Her eyes were going red again. Leon cringed and reached to her, brushing back her hair to calm her down.

"It's alright, really, you don't have to make it a huge deal. You're okay, right?" She threw herself at him and held him in a tight hug.

"I'm okay! I'm okay, because you're here with me and we're on a real date! Just... Just forget all about that, okay? Let's start fresh! We just got here, so what are we doing first?"

"Uh..." Leon turned his attention back to the skyline. "D'you wanna pick?" She followed his eyes to the biggest attraction in sight. The Ferris wheel.

"Perfect! We can stop right at the top, just as the fireworks start!" She held her face in her hands, pink starting to flare her cheeks under the heavy coat of foundation. "That's romantic..." She practically whispered it to herself, making his stomach drop. Was she going to expect a kiss? Before he could think of a way to back out of it, she'd taken him by the wrist and bolted off towards the queue.

"Hey, Kanon, you don't think-"

"Two of us! Can we have a seat to ourselves?" Kanon held up two fingers to the attendant, who gave an indifferent nod and lifted the safety bar for them. Kanon pulled Leon over to it and slid onto the bench, beaming at him to join her. With reluctance, he obliged, and the loaded bench lifted up, facing out from the wheel. Leon leaned around the side to see how far up they were.

"How high d'you think this goes?" Kanon looked up.

"We're not quite halfway up yet. Do you think we'll be able to see the fireworks from up here?" Leon kept his hands on the safety bar in front of him and swallowed thickly.

"It's pretty high already..." Kanon looked out over the fair.

"It's kind of magical, isn't it? Look at all the lights down there. They're, like... Reflections of the stars." She rested her head on Leon's shoulder, and he just kept looking down over the side.

"Magical?" He shifted back in his seat, staring straight ahead, and kneaded the safety bar in his fingers. "I... I guess. But you can't see any stars though these clouds. Or is that just the light? You'd think, uh... The city lights would kinda..."

"Light pollution, yeah. But it's nice when we're high up like this, isn't it?"

"High up? Are we high up?"

"Almost at the top."

"Hah, great, halfway over then, right?"

Kanon looked over at her cousin, wearing a questioning expression.

"You look kinda pale, Big Brother. Are you alright?"

"I'm good, I'm good! We're at the top now, huh?" The ride slowed to a stop, and gave a lurch when it came to a complete hault. Leon quickly looked over the edge. "It stopped? We're at the top, it's... It stopped right here?!"

"Is... That bad?" Leon made himself sit back, shoulders pushed up against the backrest.

"No, it's good! It's perfect, isn't it? That's what you were saying! ... Is it gonna stop for a long time?"

"I... I think so. For the fireworks. Big Brother... Are you afraid of heights?"

"What? No! Of course not! What kinda stupid fear is that? I'm not scared of heights! I just wanna go on somethin' fast again, that's all! It's prolly stopped to let more people sit on it, huh? Just loading in another group. That only takes five minutes, tops."

"We'll be up here for a while."

"How d'you know that? It only takes a second."

"Because I gave the attendant some extra cash to hold us up here for the fireworks."

"What? Why!" Leon sat forward, suddenly wide-eyed. "Why would you do that?!"

"To watch the fireworks! I thought... I thought it would be..."

"Be what, romantic?!"

"Well, I..."

"Kanon!"

"Just don't think about it, okay? Just watch the fireworks! They'll start up any minute!"

"Why? I'm not nervous! I'm just kinda impatient! I wanna go on other rides too, huh? This one is boring and slow!"

"If you're afraid of heights, why do you like roller coasters so much?"

"Your feet don't dangle off, you move too quick to realize you're up high, and it's over fast!"

"So you _are_ scared!"

"No, I'm not! Just-... Shut up!"

_"Attention patrons- due to a water leak, tonight's firework show will be cancelled. Please come back tomorrow for the daily firework show, and remember to pick up your weekend passes from..."_

Leon and Kanon had stayed quiet during the announcement over the speakers, staring ahead at where the fireworks were supposed to be, but only night clouds took up their place. The ride stayed put for a few minutes, neither of them saying a word, Leon fidgeting and looking down every now and then. Eventually the ride jerked back, starting to rotate the wheel back down, letting them stare at the inside of the wheel on the way. It stopped a few times, likely to let other customers off, each time turning Leon's stomach.

When they finally got off it, Leon kept his feet firmly on the ground and kept a brisk pace to walk to nowhere, just away from there. Kanon kept at his heels, trying to look apologetic.

At some point they passed the games area, and they both looked over at the ball toss game.

"Do you want to win me a prize?" Kanon gestured towards it. Leon looked at the boy playing the game. Terrible. He had a terrible arm, a weak throw, no wonder it didn't even hit it's mark. Leon could destroy this game. They both knew he could do it with his eyes closed.

"I'm no good at those," he lied, and pocketed his hands.

"Are... Are you sure?"

"I know what you're thinking. This guy is the Ultimate Baseball Player! Obviously he's good at throwing! But _that_ kind of throwing and _that_ kind are totally different, okay?" He grimaced and walked past it. If he let himself pick up that ball and throw another perfect pitch... It was too embarrassing to admit he missed playing it. What if he loved it? He'd have a relapse. They passed darts, which he refused to play, games of chance, that they lost at, and finally stopped at a snack cart. They quietly munched on cotton candy, not even making eye contact.

"It's still okay," Kanon said it so quietly, Leon barely realized she'd spoken at all.

"Hah?"

"It's okay. It's almost time to take me home, isn't it? It's... It's still okay. Because we can have a second date, can't we? You had fun, right?"

"Ah, Kanon, you don't have to-" The sound of a stifled sob interrupted him. "Kanon?"

"I'm sorry, Big Brother! I really wanted this to be perfect! Everything went wrong, everything! I thought... I wanted it to be perfect! It was supposed to be perfect, and you could finally realize that you love me, and...!"

"Whoa, Kanon, it's alright, calm down, huh?" He gave her an encouraging smile and brushed back her bangs for her. "It's fine to just be friends, isn't it? We tried it. That's what you wanted, right? Just a chance. It doesn't have to be perfect." Her face crumbled under the tears.

"No, don't write it off like that! It'll be better next time! Don't give up on me, I tried so hard to throw that pitch! M-my hands are all rough and unladylike, a-and you don't want to hold hands with me, b-but it's okay as long as you still-!"

"Kanon... C'mon, it just... It's not like it'll get worse than this, okay?" A cruel irony, that he'd just realized it was starting to rain. Kanon's crying only got louder when she realized the water hitting her face wasn't just her tears. "It's just a little water. We're fine. I still had fun on a bad date, and it takes a special kinda girl to do that, okay? It's just not meant to-"

"Don't say that!" She pushed her fingertip to his mouth to shush him, desperation in her eyes.

"Okay, then we're better off as-"

"Big Brother, please! One more try!"

"Kanon..." Leon sighed. He felt sick with guilt. She was blaming herself for all of it, and in the end, everything had been his fault to begin with. His idea to ride the roller coaster. Him acting like an idiot on the Ferris wheel. Him refusing to win her a prize and him having bad luck at the only games he was willing to try. He cringed as the rain started to soak her hair and smudge her makeup. "C'mon, we're gonna get soaked." He nodded towards the stands, where the overhang would shelter them. They walked mutely along it, Kanon's arms crossed over her chest, not even trying to stifle her crying. Damn... It was a genuine chance, a genuine bad date. So why did he feel so genuinely guilty? He looked over at her in pity, but could tell the tears, rain and eyeliner had smudged her vision too much to be able to tell. They didn't say another word until they were outside the fair, and Leon noticed a convenience store just ahead. "Hey, Kanon, lemme get you an umbrella. You've gotta be freezin'. Let's just warm up a little, okay?" She nodded and followed him to the doorway. He pulled the handle, only to find it locked, and the open sign just switching off an instant later.

Neither of them said a word, but Kanon's weeping went to eleven.

"Big Bruh... Brothee _errr!_ " She wailed, twisting the knife of guilt already wedged in his stomach. "Why is it locked? Why did we have the worst possible timing? Choberiba, _choberiba!_ Why is _nothing_ going right?"

"Hey, don't do that, it's fine, okay? It's okay. I had a lot of fun, alright? I had a good time. We can wait here until the rain lets up. How's that sound?" She sniffed, and shivered violently. Leon took a hint, pulled off his own jacket and flung it over her shoulders, sending drops flying off behind her. The coat was soaked, but she huddled it around her shoulders anyway. Leon rubbed his upper arms and tried to ignore his own cold skin.

"H-how can you say it was a good time? After all this... You end a good date off with a kiss, and there's no way you're going to want to do that... Even I don't want to. Not like this. I-it wouldn't be special, like this, and I..." She trailed off and huddled the jacket up. Even with it, she was still shivering. "I- I saw you talking to that other girl, when I was in the washroom earlier. Y-you shooed her a-away as s-soon as you saw me. You'd rather be with her, wouldn't you?"

"Huh? What girl?" He tried to think, but made the connection and smacked his forehead. "Ah, Kanon, no, I was asking her about you! You were taking a while, so I was just askin' her to go in and look for ya, that's all. I can't go lookin' around the girl's washroom, I'd get slapped in the face and banned from the fair!"

"Y-you were just a-asking about me..?"

"Yeah! Obviously! D'you think I'd do that? Kanon... Come on, you're like ice." He pulled her closer to him, holding her tight against his chest. "You're freezing, c'mon, if I take you home with blue lips your dad will kill me. Just warm up for a minute." Kanon stopped shaking, only a short, spaced out shiver after a few moments. The shared warmth started to soak into her, but with her wet clothes, she wasn't going to feel back to normal until she got changed and dried off. At this point, he just needed to get her home.

"Big Brother..." She pulled her cold arms around him and hugged him so tightly it restricted his breath. "I love you. I love you so, so much. Thank you for looking after me."

"Yeah, of course. Don't make it a big deal, I'm just protecting my baby cousin, huh?" He ruffled her wet hair, and she smiled and looked up at him, the adoration back in her eyes. "C'mon, it's starting to let up. I wanna get you home before it's too late." He nodded off back down the road, and Kanon let him go to walk on ahead. They were at her door before too long, standing on the steps while she put her key in the lock. Her hands were cold and stiff, but she managed to get it open, and Leon ushered her into the warm house. She stopped to face him.

"I... I guess this means..." Her face crumbled with tears again, twisting his stomach in a knot. He'd meant for a bad date, he honestly had. But now he felt terrible for doing it. He hadn't expected her to react like this, "It means that... After all that practise a-and my hands being sc-scarred... That all of it..."

"Don't be so hard on yourself." He tried to smile, hoping it would mirror on her face. "Second date?" She stared back at him in shock, and he knew he'd regret it, but he couldn't handle the guilt. What was one more? He just didn't want her to cry again, and she looked so abysmal, dripping wet and shaking. Her eyeliner and mascara had run all the way to her jawline. The bow in her hair was a wet blob. Remembering how her hair looked when he'd picked her up only made it harder to see how it looked now. If she had, at least, worn a smile and honestly agreed that there was nothing there... He hadn't meant for it to be good enough to get a second, but he hadn't meant to make her break down like that. She launched herself forward and latched onto him.

"Big Brother! Yes! Another date, yes! Can we go now?"

"Right now? Hah, Kanon... What about, uh... Well, I'm off class for now, so neither of us have anything to worry about... What about... Day after tomorrow? Some time to think about it and not get sick of me."

"Yes! Yes, any time you want! I'll be ready!"

"Alright, alright, I gotta get going. I've been chased off enough doorsteps by angry dads." If she'd told her dad she was out on a date, and Leon was the one standing there... Well, best to get out of sight. She let go and looked at him expectantly. He stared back, hoping she wasn't waiting for him to kiss her. "... 'Kay. Bye." He turned back, pocketed his hands, and ducked back into the rain.

Damn. He really had to stop being so wishy-washy. He let her guilt him into anything with just a few tears. What had he gotten into? How much deeper was he going to dig himself? One more date wouldn't be the end of the world. That last one hardly counted, in the first place. He got home late, soaked through to his socks, freezing cold and tired. Hopefully the next one would go smoother. Then she could honestly agree there was just no chemistry, let it go, and return to normal.

Leon checked his phone, wiped off the wet screen, and was surprised to see no messages. He sent a quick one to Kanon, just to make sure she was alright. _'g night'_. He looked at the input box for a second, thinking about how she'd looked when he'd left. Even when she was smiling, her lips were cold and tinged with blue, face pale, smile weak. Her makeup was a mess, hair even worse. That expensive outfit was soaked right through. Hopefully it wasn't going to shrink, but he suspected it would. He threw a heart icon at the end of the message and confirmed the send button, tossed it on his desk and fell into bed.


	3. Chapter 3

Another date. Had he actually agreed to that? Leon rubbed the sleep from his eyes, groggy, disoriented, still trying to figure out what had been a dream and what hadn't. He'd actually taken her on that horrible date. On purpose. Guilt chewed at his sides while he rolled over and looked at his phone screen. Missed messages, again. Mostly from Kanon, but a couple from his girlfriend. He replied to her first, promising he hadn't forgotten about their date later, that he'd just been busy lately, x's and o's and hit send. Thankfully, it wouldn't be strange if she saw him spending time with his cousin. Any other girl and he'd be scolded for weeks, but with Kanon, it didn't really count as cheating, right? It was just spending time with his cousin. It was no secret that they'd been close as children, and still kept up contact, when they could. Seeing them together wouldn't raise any suspicion. Even if it did, he didn't plan to keep this up for long anyway.

Then he replied to Kanon's messages. She'd taken his heart icon to, well, to heart. A flurry of hearts and exclamation points, another message asking if it was too much, another excited heart... He smiled to himself and shook his head. What a goofball. She was so crazy about him, he had to find it at least a little cute. In the way he'd find a _puppy_ cute, of course. He didn't want to take a puppy on a date. But it was still cute when she got so worked up over just a little icon. He replied to assure her he hadn't forgotten what he said, that he had to plan something for tomorrow and she didn't need to worry about him forgetting.

After that, he dragged himself out of bed, brushed his teeth and groomed his hair. The usual morning routine. He actually remembered to clean his piercings, for once, and gave his tongue ring a swish of mouthwash. Perfect. His reflection smiled back at him, feeling fresh and magnetic, all teeth and debonair. Time to meet up with a girl.

He walked on autopilot, headphones loud, springs in his heels, nods with the music blending into air drums, humming fading into lyrics. He hopped up her front porch, hesitated at the doorbell, and turned back. Around the side of the house he saw her through her bedroom window, sitting at her desk and writing with the window just slightly cracked. He found a pebble and showed off why they called him an Ultimate. That is, he cracked the glass of her window and cringed to himself when she nearly fell over in surprise. She held her chest and looked out to see what had hit the window, saw him, and let out a breath.

"Kuwata-kun, what're you doing down there? Use the door!"

"C'mon, isn't this more romantic? I wanted to surprise you!"

"Romantic? You chipped the window!"

"You can't even tell! It's prolly just dirt or somethin'. You wanna let me in?"

"I thought our date wasn't until after dinner..." She looked over to where he knew the clock was in her room. Her long black ponytail flipped over her shoulder when she did, like something from a magazine. He could feel his shoulders loosen and expression relax to see her like that. The way she'd rested her hands on the edge of her windowsill, how her body turned back to see the clock... She was showing off for him, wasn't she? "It's barely past lunch! What're you doing here so early?"

"I missed you! D'you want me to climb up there? Gonna toss down some bedsheets for me to climb up? Rapunzel, let down your hair!"

"Kuwata-kun, don't be so silly!" She laughed and vanished from his sight, back further into her room. It was quiet for a moment. Leon took a couple steps back to try to see where she'd gone, if she was further in her room, or if she'd gone back to working at her desk.

"... Babe?" No answer. Shortly after he'd said it, though, he saw the front door open from the side of his eye. He bustled over to meet her, kissed her cheek as he passed her on his way inside. "Thanks Princess. For a second I thought you'd just gone back to doin' homework."

"Well, I still plan to do it. You can sit in my room, if you'd like. Quietly."

"Aw, C'mon, you're killin' me." He whined, and followed her back upstairs, where she went straight for her desk. Leon hovered behind her. "I came all the way here, and you're just gonna ignore me? Cruel, cruel girl!" He flopped down dramatically on her bed, clutching his chest as if he'd been shot. She just gave him an unimpressed glance as she clicked her pen.

"Well, you knew I had to finish this before tomorrow. You should've known I'd be working on it before our date later tonight." Leon pouted at her.

"How come you're in summer school, anyway? Even I didn't do that badly."

"I didn't do badly, Kuwata-kun. I was top of our class, so I offered to help tutor the other classmates. This is Oowada-kun's work I'm grading."

"What, really?" Leon sat up and looked over at the paper. "That's _Oowada's?_ He's in summer school? That's _hilarious!_ Draw a dick on it!"

"Kuwata-kun!" Leon laughed and leaned over her to take a pen off her desk. She'd learned to move fast with him, and quickly tore the paper away from his reach. He chased her with the pen, reaching for the paper she held at arm's length, her other hand on his chest to push him away. Neither of them seemed to be paying attention to how far back her chair had leaned, because when she lost balance, she reflexively grabbed Leon to stop from falling over. They both toppled, laughing, awkwardly piled on the fallen chair and each other. Leon stopped to kiss her through his grin.

"You miss me?"

"I wish you'd failed enough classes that I could just tutor you, instead."

"Says the girl that wouldn't let me near her if I got anything less than a C."

"It was just _positive reinforcement!"_

"It was why I didn't fail _every_ class."

"Kuwata-kun... I can't breathe."

"What? D'you need more space? 'Cause I can text before I show up if that's what you-"

"You're just heavy!"

"Huh? Oh!" Leon squirmed to his feet and helped her back up. "Sorry." She dusted off her white blouse and fixed her bangs.

"Not necessary, Kuwata-kun."

"You know you can call me _'Leon',_ huh?" He pocketed his hands in his jacket. "We've been together for, like, seven months. _Leon_ is fine."

"Is it?" She seemed shocked to hear that, lips parted in surprise, eyes wide, as if he'd suggested they hide a body. "I'm not... Do you really think that's okay?"

"Yeah. Why not? I've been with you longer than any girl before you. Even my cousin calls me Leon sometimes."

"Does she?"

"Yeah. Is that weird?"

"Well..." She tapped her folded index finger against her lips, seeming to be thinking about it deeply. "I don't have any brothers or sisters, and I didn't spend much time with my cousins growing up. They're both more than ten years older than me. So... I don't think I can relate to it. You two are very... Close. She seems to really enjoy spending time with you."

"Yeah. She used to stay at my place all the time when her parents were out of town or whatever. Her dad owns TAT TV, so, y'know, he travels a lot, and her mom usually goes with."

"Yes, I understand that, but do you ever feel like she might..."

"What?"

"Like she's maybe... Just a little bit... Jealous of me?"

"Of you?" Leon hoped he didn't sound nervous. Though it had been years ago, the memory of being dumped because of Kanon still felt fresh. His girlfriend at the time had said she _just couldn't deal with it_ , that it was too weird, that she was coming inbetween something _immoral..._ Ever since then, he'd had a strict rule about keeping Kanon's feelings secret. If his girlfriend knew she was his stalker, she didn't know Kanon was also his cousin. If she knew she was his cousin, she didn't know about the stalking. He didn't want to relive that.

"Well, not because I'm your girlfriend, of course."

"Of course not!"

"I just mean the time we spend together. Our closeness. It must be strange for her to have to share you, now that you're older and dating girls." Leon hadn't realized he'd been holding his breath, but the relief of her words released the sigh for him.

"Nah, I mean, I've had girlfriends for years. She's pretty used to it by now."

"Oh, that's right." She smiled to herself, seeming embarrassed. "I always forget that. I hadn't even thought about dating anyone before you asked me."

"And I had to ask a hundred times!"

"You know, there are better ways to get my attention than getting yourself in trouble. Asking me while I'm supervising detention is even less romantic than chipping my window."

"Aw, that's no fair- I got in trouble for lots of reasons! Not just to see you!"

"You're making it even less romantic with every word, Kuwata-kun." She seemed unimpressed, but kept up a smile. Leon moved in, loosely hugged around her waist and tapped their foreheads together.

"Call me Leon. Please?" She looped her arms around his neck and smiled big enough to show her teeth.

"If you're good."

"When am I not?"

"When you tore Oowada's paper."

"You got me on such a tight leash, I can't get away with anything around you..."

"You get away with plenty."

"I'm just lucky to catch you in your 'Bad Boy' phase."

"Most likely, _Leon_ -kun." He cracked a smile and tapped their noses together when she said his name.

"That wasn't so bad, huh?"

"Mm. I suppose I could get used to it."

Leon would've liked to spend the whole day soaking up attention and affection, but like she'd said, she did have to take care of some work before the day was out. In the meantime, Leon whiled away the day playing games on his phone, sharing conversations now and then, but for the most part just content in her company. It was a welcome diversion from Kanon, even if she was still messaging him more than usual. Excited for tomorrow, he supposed, but she was pacified with a simple 'busy rn' and 'ttyl'. In the meantime, he was more than content to take it easy with his girlfriend, confident things with Kanon would calm down within the next few days, at most. After all, he didn't want to ruin anything with his current girlfriend. She could be strict, sure, and maybe a little uptight at times, but any time he talked about becoming a rockstar she was one of the few that didn't roll her eyes. He could do anything, she'd explained, as long as he worked hard for it. He hadn't realized he'd been staring at her through these thoughts, mutely appreciating how she looked at this angle, until she looked back at him and slowly broke out a smile that asked why he wouldn't look away. It snapped him back to the moment with a shake of his head and half a laugh.

 

* * *

 

  
The following morning, Leon woke up with his arms around a female shape. The scent of soft, familiar shampoo and perfume mixed, and he sleepily cuddled up closer. Strange that his girlfriend hadn't woken up first. Usually, she was the one holding the alarm clock over him, pointing at it and asking how he could be so lazy. This was a welcome change. As nice as it was to fall asleep beside her, he didn't much care for how she woke him most mornings. He was back in his own room, with his own sheets on his own bed, so the smooth edges of something feminine seemed almost out of place here. Her small body, quiet breaths, short blonde hai-

Leon nearly screamed. He threw himself off of Kanon, heart beating a hundred times faster than he knew it could, and found himself wedged in the corner near the head of his bed, like a startled spider. Kanon stirred, turned over, and smiled back at him.

"Good morning, Big Broth-"

"Kanon, what the _fuck?!_ You can't just come in here! Holy _shit,_ you nearly stopped my heart, y'know?!"

She only squirmed in the blankets, still wiggling out of sleep, still smiling contentedly.

"You stop my heart every day, Big Brother."

"How did you get in here?!"

"Your dad let me in last night."

"Why?"

"Did you forget? My parents are out of town this week. Daddy has another business trip, and Mom went with him so they could have some time together." She sighed and stretched the sleep from her arms. "Having kids _kills_ a marriage, you know. Do you want any?" Leon was only just starting to feel his pulse calm down and relax. Though he'd worn sleepwear around her before, it suddenly made him feel vulnerable to be seen in just his boxers like this. Was it because of what had _happened,_ or because of what had _changed?_ He smoothed back his hair and flopped back into bed. It was too early for this.

"Yeah, I guess it slipped my mind. Just startled me, is all." He nuzzled up to his pillow, back towards Kanon, hoping to get a little more of a snooze before waking up properly. But he opened his eyes and sat up again after only a brief moment of silence. "Wait- why are you in _my_ bed?!"

Kanon pouted back.

"You let your girlfriends sleep beside you."

"Yeah, but-"

"We're dating, aren't we?"

"Yeah, but-"

"And you're taking it just as seriously as any other girl?"

"Yeah, but-"

"Then there's no problem!" She abruptly turned over, showing him her back and fuming to herself.

"I-it's not... It's because it's _too soon,_ y'know?"

"Too soon..?"

"Yeah, too soon. We just went out once, I don't... I mean, _one date_ isn't the same as _a girlfriend._ There's loads of girls I dated once or twice that I wouldn't sleep beside like this."

"... Oh." He could only just see over her shoulder that she was drawing circles on his pillow with her finger. "Because I'm not your girlfriend yet. That's it?"

"Yeah. That's it."

"Okay, I understand." They were both silent for a moment, an uncomfortable quiet. Leon could tell she was bitter, but didn't know how to respond to it without just making things worse. This was no hour to be thinking about things like this, anyway. She broke the tension by mutely getting to her feet. She seemed so rigid and annoyed, Leon almost thought she would turn and slap him.

"Hey- where are you going?"

"Back to my room. You don't want me here, right?" She barely turned her head, talking into her shoulder. Leon didn't realize it made him shrink back.

"I didn't say you had to _leave_ , just don't... Hey, wait a second, let me finish!" His door clicked shut behind her. He didn't know if he ought to feel insulted or guilty, but he didn't like the feeling of them mixing like this. He groaned and flopped back against his pillow. From dreams to nightmares.

A few minutes later, he accepted his fate that he couldn't fall back asleep, and got out of bed. He threw on fresh clothes and kicked down the stairs, two at a time, and saw his father sitting at the dining table and putting away his breakfast. Leon checked either direction.

"Where's Kanon?"

"Good morning to you too. Or should I say afternoon?"

"Yeah, hi Dad. Is she here?"

"Still in bed, I think."

"This late?"

"You've got no business complaining about that, Kiddo."

Parents were the worst. Leon rolled his eyes and returned up the stairs. Just beside his bedroom was the guest room, mostly for Kanon, but once in a while his aunt or family friend used it too. He knocked on it, to find it wasn't latched and swung open from the first tap. His expression of surprise mirrored hers when they saw each other. His cousin was there, nightgown on the bed, towelling off her wet hair. She'd had a shower. Of course she'd had a shower- what, had he thought she'd just gone back to sleep? He slapped his hands over his eyes and cringed.

"Big br-"

"I didn't see anything!"

"What?"

"I didn't see, I swear!" He turned, still covering his eyes while squeezing them shut, and darted back to his own room. He slammed the door and stared, wide-eyed, at the wall opposite.

Holy fuck. He would never be able to bleach that image out of his mind. Was his face going red? He couldn't tell, but it wouldn't surprise him if it was.

The worst part was that she really didn't look _bad_ naked. She actually looked... Really good. He buried his face in his hands and shook his head roughly, as if hoping the mental image could be shaken out like a dog drying itself. Last time he'd seen her in a state even close to that was at the beach, when they were a few years younger and stupider. She... Didn't look the same at all. How had he missed the moment she got _that_ and _that_ and _those?_

He could die of embarrassment. Oh, god, he wished he hadn't seen that. They still had plans later, that he hadn't made yet, and he had to live with her for the rest of the week... There was no avoiding her until he had time to forget about it. In fact, there was already a soft tap on his door. He stayed frozen in place. Just pretend you're not here, and maybe she'll go away...

"Big Brother? You're in your room?" He held his breath. _Just go away already!_ "I don't know if you saw... Well... I'm okay with it, you know." There was a pause for him to answer. Was he still able to pretend he wasn't here, and hadn't heard that? "... I don't mind. If you want to, you can see that again. Uhmm... That's all. Just that, and I love you, Big Brother. ... Are you there?" There was a long pause, and at the last possible second, he spoke up.

"Yeah, I'm here." Oh, why did he say that? He bit his lip hard and mentally kicked himself.

"Oh. Okay."

More uncomfortable quiet. If this was a prelude to what their date would be like, he wondered if it was too late to fake being sick. Despite how long the quiet had dragged for, he didn't hear her walking away. "There's a meteor shower tonight."

"... Is that right?"

"Yeah. Can... Can we go? Is that okay, if I make the plans?"

"Oh, yeah, that's fine." He heard fingernails softly crunch on the other side of his door. He couldn't help picturing her with her forehead against the door, biting her lip and begging him to open it and let her in. That was all she wanted all along, just to be let in, to have a chance. Leon pressed the heel of his hand into his forehead. "I hadn't thought of anything else anyway. When d'you wanna go? I've, uh, I've gotta do somethin' before that."

"The best time to see it is supposed to be really late at night, but if you're with me, I won't be scared... Can we go to the stadium up by the park? It'll block out the city lights, and we can take some blankets and hot cocoa in a thermos... Maybe some soup for later..."

"Yeah, that sounds nice."

"It's supposed to be super pretty this time of year..."

"Yeah, I bet it will be."

"The moon is small too, so it's-"

"Kanon, can you just leave me alone for a bit? Sorry, I just... I just gotta do somethin'. I'll see you later today."

"Oh, y-yeah, that's fine. I'll... I'm sorry, Big Brother. I'm... Sorry." With that, he heard her nails slide off the door and quick footsteps down the hall. He slowly slid his back down the door and sat down, holding his phone in one hand and his hairline in the other. He opened up the text history with the most heart icons.

'are u home?? im gonna come over lemme know if ur not' He stood as he hit send, plucked his jacket off the back of his chair, and pulled it on while he darted down the stairs. Quick feet, like his coach had repeated hundreds of times over. He only saw Kanon for a split second on his way out the door. She was at the dining table holding a glass of orange juice, eyes wide and locked on him, and he pulled his attention anywhere but her. With any luck, his face wasn't as red as he thought it was.

 

* * *

 

 

It only took him a few minutes to get down the streets and back to the same window as before, this time shoving his thumb into the doorbell. No answer after a few minutes, so he hit it again, twice in a row, and checked his phone for any responses.

'I'm tutoring today.'

Three words had never made his stomach sink so low. He messed his hair and looked up at her window. The blinds were shut, of course, and none of the lights were on. Where could he hide out now? He checked his pockets. Damn, his wallet was in his other pants still. No bus pass or fare to get to one of his other friends' houses. If he went home, Kanon would just be waiting for him there. He messed his hair and went for a walk with no real destination.

Maybe it was habit that brought him to the stadium near his house. It wasn't much of a stadium, really, but when they were little kids, this place was Koshien. Home of his first little league games, his first homeruns, even his first kiss had been just behind the bleachers. It was a typical public baseball diamond, with a field for other games all around it, and an elementary school just on the other side. He walked over to the bench his team normally claimed and sat down with a sigh. Maybe he could just wait here for a few hours. He leaned his head back against the wooden boards behind him and closed his eyes. It was a fairly nice diamond, compared to most that were just in parks or schools, with enclosed benches and a roof on the bleachers. That was hardly fair, though, considering Leon had played in the real Koshien Stadium just a few months ago. This was nothing. By comparison, he'd tasted gourmet caviar on a silver spoon. But this place was his mother's soup when he was sick.

The sound of footfalls in gravel didn't catch his attention at first, but when he processed what he was hearing, he bolted upright, eyes wide and ready to sprint if it was his cousin. To his surprise, though, it was a different face he knew.

"Hey, Dad. What're you doin' here..?"

"Hey, I know when my boy's not alright." He walked around the pit and joined his son on the bench, letting out a sigh when he sat down, elbows on his knees and slouched to look out at the empty diamond. In the same gesure, he rested Leon's bat againt the bench between them and set a baseball up on the wooden planks. "I thought you might come here."

"Why?"

"You came here every time we tried to make you eat your broccoli." Leon couldn't help grimacing and shaking his head, which only made his father laugh and pat a heavy hand on Leon's shoulder.

"So what is it, lady problems?"

"Uh... Yeah. It's a girl."

" _Women._ " The older man shook his head sympathetically. "The world's most dangerous animal. So what happened, Sport? You know, I used to be quite the ladies' man, before I met your mother."

"Oh, yeah, I'm sure." Leon laughed, earning getting his hair messed up. "Alright, okay! Don't wreck it!"

"I never thought you'd be so worried about your hair. Do you remember thinking girls had cooties? You did. You were the ringleader when all the boys started hanging 'no girls allowed' signs on their forts and bedrooms."

"Yeah, well, Kanon had the worst cooties."

"So who broke my poor boy's heart this time, Champ? Problems with your little girlfriend?"

"Nah, not really. I guess it's kinda like that. I, uh..." He messed his hair in his hands. Talking about this sort of thing was always awkward with his dad. "I had a deal with this other girl, from ages ago, and, uh... I'd totally forgotten about it, but basically I owe her a date now. And I kinda saw her naked. By accident." His father had narrowed his eyes in an attempt to understand, but it didn't seem like he approved. Leon buried his face in his hands, elbows on his knees. "I just wanna clear that out of my memory! How d'you make yourself forget what a girl looks like without clothes on?!"

"Son..." He shook his head, showing bottom teeth in a sympathetic cringe. "You can't ever forget something like that. But you know while you're dating this girl... There's no way you'll get away with doing _that_ for very long. You'll get a reputation fast for doing something like that, too."

"Yeah, I don't _want_ to, I just... I promised!"

"A man's nothing without his word."

"What side are you on?" Just like a dad to just spout useless clichés and hope one of them was useful. For a moment, he said nothing, just slouched over and looking at his son. A moment to appraise, and he looked out over the field again to speak.

"I think you'll know what you want. You're still just a kid, as much as you don't want to admit it. There's a lot for you to figure out still. Cheating isn't right, and if you take her on a date, that's cheating. I don't care if you don't kiss her or if you don't hold her hand, it's still cheating. Never do anything that you wouldn't do if your girl was standing behind you. That's how you land a classy woman like your mother." Leon messed the side of his hair. If his girlfriend was right behind him... He'd still done everything he should. It was just his _cousin,_ after all. He could visit an amusement park with his cousin, no problem. And take her out to see a meteor shower. They'd grown up together, and though he couldn't think of any specific instances, he was sure they'd both seen each other undressed when they were little. Yeah. It was fine. He felt his shoulders loosen and he sighed for the hundredth time that day.

"Yeah, I guess that helps a little. I just gotta figure out how to let her down easy."

"No problem, Slugger." His father gave his arm a playful shove, and tossed the baseball up at Leon. He caught it on reflex. "Wanna hit a few?"

"Ah, no, no that's okay." Leon held the ball up for his father to take it away. "I'm not really in the mood."

"You really don't belong on the bench, Sport. That's where the _other_ boys carved their names. You're great at playing the field, just remember to load your bases before you get up to bat." Leon squinted in confusion. If that was a metaphor, he had no idea what his dad was trying to communicate.

"... Was that s'posed to be deep?" Leon broke into a laugh. "That doesn't apply to this at all."

"C'mon Champ, just one or two?"

"I said a hundred times, I don't play anymore. I'm done with that stuff."

"Yeah, I know, you're a musician now. But one swing for your old man won't kill you." Leon grimaced, still holding the ball up for it to be taken away. "I won't tell anyone if you do." He quirked his lips in mock annoyance and tossed the ball up and down in one hand.

"Only if I'm pitching."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is dedicated to the person that commented on the last chapter saying i have to finish it
> 
> to which i say "ok"


	4. Chapter 4

All they really had done was play a little catch, but it had been an indispensable breath of fresh air to just step back and talk to his father for a while. Things seemed clearer now, with his girlfriend, with Kanon, with how he ought to proceed. It was harmless to let Kanon get what she wanted. All he had to do was remember his dad's advice- only do things he'd do if his girlfriend had been watching. And spending time with his cousin was completely innocent. His conscience sat back down and let him proceed, reassured that what he was doing was okay.

Walking back home with his father brought no sense of dread at seeing Kanon again. He even smiled at her as they walked in, his dad still laughing and messing up his hair even further. An unfortunate side-effect of spending time with his father was that his hair never stayed in the style he spiked it into. Kanon looked back with surprised eyes, but he just reached over her to take an apple off the table in front of her, and bit it with a loud crunch. His mom always had the freshest fruits on hand. Though he didn't care much for fruit in general, at least when the mood struck him it was always good.

"Hey, Kanon," he sucked some of the juice from the apple. "Meteor shower tonight, right?" She slowly nodded. "Cool, let me know when you wanna leave. I don't really have anything goin' on before that." His father, meanwhile, caught up with his mother and greeted her with a kiss. Gross. Leon tried to ignore them, and walked back over to the family room, where the couch and TV were set up. Much of his time was spent here, surrounded by old photographs of him in a baseball uniform, trophies in the bookshelves, usually sports on TV. He flipped it on and sat on the couch to finish his apple with some mindless entertainment to pass the time.

Just as she'd said, his girlfriend had been tutoring today, and as a result, didn't try to message him at all. The day was his to burn. Most of the half-hour block show was over when Kanon timidly crept up beside him.

"Hey, Big Brother." Leon glanced over. She seemed to think she'd done something wrong, and as awkward as things might be, he didn't really want to address it head-on. It was easier to mutually gloss over it.

"Hey. What's up?"

"Uh," she looked at her hands. "Can I join you?"

"Yeah, of course. Somethin' wrong?" Kanon sat beside him, legs folded, hands rested on her higher knee.

"I don't know. Can we talk?" He looked back over to where his parents had been earlier. They weren't directly in his line of sight, but it didn't mean they were particularly far away.

"I guess so. Nothin' too heavy, right?"

"I'm not sure. Are you happy?"

"Happy?"

"Yes. Are you looking forward to tonight?"

"Yeah, of course. It'll be cool, I haven't really checked out one of those before."

"You're still taking this seriously, aren't you? You're not thinking of me as a sister or cousin?"

"Ah..." He fiddled with his hair. What was the right answer? Honesty had always been his go-to route. At the risk of insulting her, he tried to play the cards his father had dealt him. "Well, I'm trying to."

"Trying to?"

"Yeah, trying to. It's not like I've got an on/off switch for that. It's like... Even if I try to and I want to, I can't do it that fast."

"... I see." She seemed more angry than sad, though definitely disappointed at her core. "So you're not taking this seriously at all, are you?"

"Huh?" Her hands were tightened into fists.

"You think I'm naive and lovestruck enough to believe you're going to change that if I just give it time?"

"Kanon, I-"

"Our deal was that you'd love me if I won that bet. I worked for _years_ to win it, you have to put more effort in than just passively _waiting_ for your heart to change!"

"I can't force myself to love you, that's not what I agreed to!" Once he thought of it, he really couldn't remember what the terms were, exactly. It was just to go on a date, wasn't it? Still, she had a point, if she'd worked that hard to win, he ought to try a little harder to make it worth while to her.

"Yes it is! It is it is it is! You're not trying to see me like other girls! If any other girl had dated you, slept beside you, and let you see her na-"

"Kanon, shut up!" He held up both hands defensively, giving an alarmed look in the direction of his parents. "I'll try harder, just don't talk about that here!" She grimaced and glared at him, while his expression pleaded back for her not to reveal them just yet. "C'mon, trust me, I'll try harder tonight. You'll be swept off your feet, I swear." She held her glare for a beat, but in an instant it softened and she loosened her fists.

"Yababa," she let out a sigh and held either side of her face. "You're so cute, Big Brother."

"What?" She tapped the end of his nose with one finger.

"Cute."

Leon had no idea how to take that, but it seemed like he'd dodged a bullet. He let out a breath and relaxed again, finally sitting back. This agreement had become incredibly stressful. Now, on top of spending time with her tonight, he had to sweep her off her feet with it. It would be easier to try to see her that way if she didn't make it into such a threat, but in her defense, she'd been waiting on this a long time. She had every reason to feel impatient already. She took the remote from the couch armrest.

"Do you mind if I change it?" The credits were on the screen, so he nodded, though he hadn't been terribly invested in the show anyway, and Kanon switched over to a movie. From the opening screen alone, he knew everything he needed to know about it. The title was in glittery text and a love song played over it. He groaned and lolled his head back against the headrest.

"This? Really?" The remote bopped him on the nose and he flinched up, startled. "Ow- hey!"

"Shush, I missed this when it was in theatres. I wanted to go with a date, this is the next best thing, though." Leon looked over at her, feeling surly, only to see her shift closer to him on the couch. He ignored it at first, thinking nothing of it, really. It was something she always did. But given their last conversation, this seemed like as good a time as any. She was right, things would never change if he didn't put the effort in. With heavy hesitation, he took his arm off the backrest, hovered, and slowly dropped it over her shoulders. No verbal acknowledgement, but doing it made him feel incredibly nervous, for reasons he didn't fully understand. When she felt his arm on her shoulders, she stiffened and looked at him, but he kept his eyes on the screen. She stared for a beat, but eventually turned back to the movie.

They were both quiet for a while, watching the movie together, though nothing about it was interesting to him. Kanon cuddled up into his side after a time, and he let her, trying to be good to his word, like his father had told him. A man was only as good as his word. A little effort wouldn't kill him.

The movie was laughably predictable, a rush to an airport, an attempt at drama that made Kanon squeeze Leon's hand at her shoulder, practically putting him to sleep with the romantic blandness of it all. The female lead put on a dress, to which the male lead stared and said, with a pause, "You look... _Incredible._ " Apparently a car chase wasn't in the budget, nor any explosions. If it _had_ to be predictable and stale, it could at least have some explosions.

The movie concluded with Kanon frozen to that spot. Afterwards, it wasn't long before Leon heard his mom behind him, and with a start, pulled his arms back to his lap. Kanon looked over at him, but he avoided eye contact.

The day passed uneventfully, with the family having dinner together, Leon's mom and Kanon working together on a soup to bring to the meteor shower. It seemed harmless for them to want to go together, Kanon would, of course, want to see something so romantic and beautiful. Leon had been her closest friend all her life, it was only natural she'd ask him to go with her.

When they were ready to go, Kanon held up a warm smile, dressed in a turtleneck sweater and dainty hair ribbon. Leon straightened his jacket and looked over at her by the door, startled for a moment at how much she'd changed in the past couple hours. While he'd been alone in his room, Kanon had asked his mother to show her some makeup tips and tricks. He'd missed the moment she'd dolled herself up and curled her hair, all under the guise of just bonding with her aunt. He suddenly felt underdressed. His mother left to pour out some soup for them to share, giving them some unintentional privacy.

"You look," he paused, searching for the word. With a lopsided grin, he finished, "Incredible." Kanon's face lit up at the reference.

"You _were_ paying attention, I _knew_ it!"

"Hey, you wouldn't _let_ me tune it out!" Before the two could split any more playful teasing, his mom returned with a thermos. Leon bit his tongue and held back the rest of what he meant to say. Kanon took the thermos and gave a nod of thanks. They left with a few other supplies bundled under Leon's arm, down the path with a reassurance that they'd be back before it got too late. (C'mon, Mom, I'm not a kid anymore, I can handle it!) His parents didn't linger to watch them leave, and when he glanced back over his shoulder, he saw the porch light left on and neither shadow in the window.

He'd promised to treat her like any other girl. With anyone else, he would hold up his hand and ask her to take it, with a smirk and a "May I?" that the girls found so charming. Kanon met it with the brightest smile he'd ever seen her wear, and eagerly clasped her hand in his. He twined their fingers together and let it fall slack at his side. It felt a little strange to hold her hand like this. As children he'd hold it to cross the street or avoid losing her in a crowd. But it was always as if they were wearing mittens- fingers together, an edge of seperation, even in the closeness. Now each finger had one of hers between it, a thumb brushing the back of his hand, light pinch of his rings when their hands shifted.

It was rough. He knew it was, but it still stood out to him, when he had her hand right against his own. Other girls wore varying levels of softness on their palms, but his had always been rougher than theirs, weither from baseball or guitar or simply lack of caring to treat himself delicately. This was the first time the hand he held was actually rougher than his own. It wasn't _bad_ , but it was distinctly _Kanon_. Everything about this was different than any other girl would be. Normally he'd fill the air with questions about herself, finding common interests, asking if she'd seen the latest movie or her opinions on the newest singles. But he already knew everything about Kanon. As a date, he was hoplessly lost for topics and conversation starters. How could he get close to a girl that already loved him? Why bother trying to flirt or be charming?

"Are you alright?"

Her voice jarred his thoughts.

"Hah? Yeah, I'm good. Why?"

"You got all quiet on me. Did I do something wrong?" Her eyes were wide and apologetic. The nervousness was all over her features, though without even looking at her he'd know from the clamminess of her hand.

"Ah, no, I'm just... Just thinkin' that I already know you so well, right? So it's tough to think of what to ask you about right now."

"Oh. Because around now, Big Brother would be asking where his date grew up and if she had any siblings, right?"

Leon grimaced and leaned away.

"Damn, am I that predictable?"

Kanon's laugh chimed like bells, visable on her breath in the cool air.

"If you really know everything about me, prove it. I bet I know you better than you know me. What do you think? We'll go back and forth. Winner gets an iss-kay from the oser-lay!"

"A what? Iskay? Jeez, I wish you'd talk normal... Alright, go ahead, ladies first. Ask me anything about you." Kanon tapped her lips with one finger. He could tell this was a tough choice for her, it dragged out far too long, but just before he cut in and change the topic, she brought her question forward.

"What brand of perfume do I use?"

Oh. That was a lot more specific than he'd anticipated. But he was sure he knew it, he just had to think for a second. It was the type in a nice bottle, that fancy brand gyaru's always wore. His ex had the same brand. He'd gotten it for her as a gift once.

"Murua. You get the one in the pink bottle, that smells like roses." He winked and smiled widely, confident he'd gotten it right. Kanon seemed delighted, even squeezing her fingernails into his hand in excitement.

"That's right! The _purple_ bottle, Deep Amethyst! Yabababa- Big Brother really knows me after all, huh? Your turn, your turn! Ask me anything about you, I'll know the answer!"

"Mm... Alright, here's a tough one, then. What was the name of my first baseball team? You oughta know, you managed it, after all." There was no delay in Kanon's answer.

"You were the Dragons. You thought I'd say _Tigers,_ right? Of course I know the team name changed before I caught up to you, Big Brother! You were number eighteen, and that's been your lucky number ever since, because you've never missed a pitch when you've had that number on! Lucky that the team at your new school let you keep the number, if you didn't get that one, you would've thrown a fit."

"Alright, you got it! You're too good at this. Okay, your turn, then."

She thought for a while, weighing options in her mind.

"What's my favourite type of flower?"

"Flower?" He hesitated. He had no idea. Her favourite type was... Whatever type _he_ got for her, probably. "Uh... It's pink, right? I don't really know flower names. The kind with the, like... The leaves?" Kanon's smile dimmed a few shades.

"It's yellow, but that's okay, I know what you meant to say. Because the petals look like leaves, right? It's called a ylang-ylang."

"Y-yeah, that's what I meant." The further into this they got, the more he realized he wouldn't be able to answer these questions. He'd have to ask something harder about himself if he wanted to avoid having to kiss her this soon. Well, that was a good topic. "Where did I get my first kiss?" Ice formed between them.

"It was after one of your baseball games, on the diamond near your house. You were celebrating a victory and kissed one of the cheerleaders without thinking about it, it took you at least fifteen minutes to realize that had been your own first kiss. You're... Thoughtless like that, sometimes. When was mine?"

"Yours?"

"My first kiss. When was it?"

"Ah, Kanon, you've...?" He squinted, unsure if this was a trick question. She'd never been kissed by anyone, had she? "Who'd you-..." He cut himself off, suddenly startled by a realization that would've made him choke on his drink if he'd had one. "-Wait, you can't count that time! It only counts if both people know it's happening!"

"You didn't know for yours. If that counts, so does mine! Are you gonna give up and lose?" He felt his face redden. At least the cool air would disguise it's real cause.

"Uh... It was at Uncle's birthday party. You were ten, I was twelve, and you tried to scare me while I was sitting at the table, I kinda fell and you landed... Uh..." He tried to laugh through the awkwardness. "I guess you're more of a carnivore than I thought, right? Girls dont usually get me on my back that fast." Kanon's smile thinned, wider, more sly and wolfish.

"You've got no idea, Big Brother."

"Really, huh?" That close to losing this and owing her a kiss, he needed something she'd absolutely refuse to answer. Anything he could ask, she'd know. It had to be something she couldn't admit to. "When was my first time?" There's no way she didn't know the answer. She followed him all day, he knew she did, but if she answered, she'd have to _admit_ she'd followed him there. There's no way she'd do that. Her grip in his hand loosened slightly, and she looked away for a moment.

"You were barely fourteen. You went behind the bleachers with Kiyoko, she wasn't even your girlfriend at the time, but you liked how she looked in a skirt. You've always had a thing for girls with nice legs, right, Big Brother? I was so jealous of her."

The air froze around him. It wasn't new that she knew about it, or that she remembered the girl's name or how she looked. It was her last phrase that made him feel the cold.

"Jealous of her _legs?_ "

"You know what I meant." The quiet felt heavy around him, but he kept walking, trying to ignore the pulse in his throat. "I kept my first kiss for you, everything else is still waiting for you, Big Brother. You're the only one I want." She leaned into his arm and hugged it in hers, resting against his shoulder. "Don't feel essured-pray. I've waited this long, I can wait until you're ready."

"K-Kanon the, uh, the blanket's falling, I need my arm for a second." She let go and watched him readjust. He took his sweet time finding a new way to hold onto their supplies. It shouldn't surprise him as much as it did. Just hearing it spoken aloud didn't rest well. Normally if a girl wanted to sleep with him he'd be keen to oblige, and he was trying his best to treat her like any other girl, but the mental image reddened his face further and drained the blood from his arms and legs. This level of flirting was uncomfortably blatant. It was good timing, though, he could avoid this game by setting up their blankets for the meteor shower. He scanned the ground nearby, walking on auto-pilot to the home plate. It was as good a spot as any, and, well, felt like _home._ He unfurled the blanket and laid it beside the plate, then another, thinner blanket on top of that. Kanon sat down on it and patted the space beside her. He laid on his back where she indicated, let out a sigh and closed his eyes. It wasn't unexpected when he felt her touch next to him, though it was bigger than he'd anticipated, and he cracked an eye to see what she was doing. She'd laid down herself and cuddled up into his side, head on his chest and arm around him. If it was any other girl, he'd love this, so he squeezed a blink to clear his head and wrapped one arm over her shoulders.

"Do you know about meteor showers, Big Brother?"

"Huh? Uh, not really. You mean like the science of it? It's 'cause Earth is goin' through a space dust cloud or somethin', right?"

"Mm, more or less. This shower is called the Leonid. See those stars, just there? Do you know what those are?" She pointed up at the sky, but all Leon saw were dots. It was difficult to see much of the sky in such a big city, but it was a clear night, and more was visable than usual.

"No. Tell me." She adjusted her position, more on her back than her side, but still using his chest like a pillow. With one finger she traced a looping shape.

"That's Leo, the star sign. Tonight's shower will look like it comes from there, that's why they're called the Leonids." She rested her hands, interwoven, in the centre of her chest. "I'm a Leo. Did you know that?"

"Ye- wait, aren't you a Virgo?"

"Well, you know how people say, like, 'I was born under Virgo'? Because some people are born in different places around the globe, Virgo doesn't always shine on the same days all around the world. Even then, a thirteenth sign was recently re-introduced, and it shuffled up the typical dates. Our calendar isn't even perfectly lined up with the seasons, so over hundreds of years, the dates were wrong anyway. Don't you think that's interesting?"

"Ah, yeah, that's kinda neat. I guess I'm not a Capricorn after all, huh?"

"Nope, you're a Sagittarius. Don't worry, though. We'd be compatible signs no matter which chart we used."

Leon tried to stifle his yawn. Astrology wasn't really his topic of choice. It usually just devolved into Kanon telling him about how great of a match they are, though that came with every topic. Speaking of- a change of topic shot through the sky, prompting him to point up at it.

"Hey, you see that one? Make a wish!"

Kanon clasped his hand in both of hers, holding it tight to her chest and squeezing for a moment. After a pause, she lightly kissed his knuckles and slackened again. There was no use asking what she'd wished for.

"Did you wish too, Big Brother?"

"Hmm? Yeah, I did."

"What did you wish for?"

"I can't tell ya, if you say it, it won't come true. Haven't you heard that?"

Kanon mutely shifted her hands on his arm, hugging it close as if it were her security blanket. He left it limp.

"Hey, Big Brother, why did you pick this spot?"

"Hmm?"

"This spot. We're at home plate. Does that mean you want to make a home run?"

"Ah- Kanon, lay off with that shit!" He smacked his forehead with the heel of his hand. "You're makin' it hard to get used to this, it's too much all at once! Think of it like... We didn't even _leave_ home plate yet, alright? Ya always take it slow with girls you wanna be serious with."

"Hey, you said you'd stop talking like that. Just like any other girl, remember? I know you don't want to be that serious. I know your history better than anyone. You don't like when a girl wants to be serious that fast."

"Well... What d'you want me to do about it? I'm tryin' to get used to it, but it's just... It's weird for me, y'know?"

"I think I know what might help."

"Yeah?"

Kanon sat up and turned to face him properly.

"Do you trust me?"

"Uh... Yeah. What're you gonna do?" He propped himself up on his elbows, a little nervous about what she had in mind. He hadn't lied. Of anyone in the world, Kanon was the one he trusted most. She was his oldest, and best, friend. If he had to put his life in someone's hands there's none other it would be safer in.

"Can you relax? I won't hurt you or something. Just trust me, okay? Close your eyes."

He stayed looking at her for a moment, but did eventually obey.

"Okay. Now what?"

"Relax. You still trust me, don't you?"

"Yeah." He stayed with his eyes shut, waiting to feel her touch somewhere, though he wasn't sure where.

"Just keep them closed."

"Okay." A while passed with nothing happening, no touch anywhere, no sounds or movements. He slowly cracked his eyes open. "Kanon?" She was still sitting in the same place, quietly looking at him. "Uh... What was that for?"

"You were scared to do that, weren't you? You thought I'd do something to you?"

"Huh? No, I... I trust you. I said that I do."

"But you were nervous anyway. Big Brother... _Leon_... I'd never do anything you don't want me to, okay? You know what I want from you, don't you?"

"Uh..."

"I won't ever lie to you, Leon. I love you. I really do. I've always, always loved you, so much it hurts." She held her hands over her heart and cringed, feeling the ache in her chest. "The part of you that I love most isn't on your body, and even though I love every muscle and bone you have, I'd never do anything to hurt the part of you I love most. I love how you smile with one side showing more teeth, I love how you crinkle your nose when you laugh. Leon, I... I want you to know that when you're with me, you can close your eyes and trust me. I'll never hurt you. I love the body that's grown around your mind, but it's nothing but meat without the soul I'd hurt by touching it. Does... That make sense?"

Leon scanned over her face. He could tell she was trying to pour out her heart for him, he could read the vulnerability and desperation on her features. Even if he didn't understand exactly what she meant, he understood what it meant to her, and so he pressed his lips into a tight line and nodded. The darkness around them made for quite the picture. Kanon, mostly in shadow, her light hair lit up like a halo from the city lights in the distance. The sky behind her cried stars every few seconds as though it too was pleading with him to just understand. It was something from a movie, it was too clean, too flawless, too raw and pure in this light. Why had he ever doubted her? He knew she only wanted love. The pure kind. Having him touch her and kiss her was a bonus, and as much as she wanted it, she'd never force it on him. After all, all she'd asked for was to be treated like other girls, not to marry him or sleep with him. She only wanted a chance to enter the race.

"Kanon..." He smoothed down the halo of light on the edge of her hair, and brought himself closer to touch their foreheads together. Her perfume flooded him when he did. Deep Amethyst. "I'm sorry for doubting you." His voice was quiet and soft, genuinely apologetic. It felt like he'd finally gotten everything sorted out. Her intentions weren't nearly as twisted as he'd made them out to be, there was no sin in what they were doing. Two people looking for love. What was so sick about that? Why had he painted her as such a villain? He'd been cruel to her and all she'd ever done was love him. He lightly nodded against her lips, the gentle kiss she'd ached for all these years, making her grow rigid and sharply gasp, every finger and toe tensed and curled, eyes wide and heart floating over her head. He let it go as softly as it started, fading in and out as gentle as a feather gliding past. How bizarre. The heat and teeth weren't there like his usual 'first kisses', spur of the moment gnashing and hunger replaced with softness and appreciation. The warm feeling bloomed higher up his chest than a typical kiss would make it- what normally hovered below the belt now heated the middle of his chest.

It must be the cold. He let Kanon go and retrieved the thermos from the blanket beside her. Without a word he unscrewed the cap and poured some soup into the cap. "You want some?" The light made it hard to see what exactly she was thinking, only the odd reflection of a star shooting over her dinnerplate-sized eyes. "Hey, c'mon, don't blue-screen on me now, it was just gettin' good!" He prodded her mouth with the edge of the cap. "C'mon, it's made with love by this cute girl I'm datin', you gotta try it." No response. He tipped it gently until she blinked and responded to avoid having soup spill on her nice clothes, a sharp move that nearly knocked the cup from his hand and made him crack with laughter. "You're gonna give me a god complex, reacting like that."

"Y-yababa... S-s-sorry, L-L-L-Le-on-kun, ah, Leon-ch... B-brother..." The soup cup shook aggressively in her hands.

"This from the girl that just told me she was a carnivore? Heh, I wish I could see how red your face was right now! You're just a bunny rabbit, huh?" She said nothing, barely a stifled whine noise. "Hey, I'm only joking. Are you seriously mad right now?" She roughly shook her head. "Can you say somethin'?"

"C-can I try a-again?"

"Hah?"

"I w-wasn't ready. You didn't give me a warning. I want a do-over."

"Hmm? You serious?"

Kanon set down the soup cup and dropped a hand on either one of his shoulders. He could feel them trembling from nerves.

"Let me try that again!" Her fingers bunched up the shoulders of his shirt. Suddenly he heard her request in the voice of a child wanting to redo a move in a game of checkers. The same child he knew all his life, the one he'd played that very game of checkers with. It was hardly the same mood it had been a moment ago. She stayed put, tightly holding his shoulders, bracing herself and mentally preparing. Leon just blinked, unsure how to take this. He set a hand on her forearm.

"Kanon, you're overthinkin' it." The tension in her shoulders loosened a little. "Relax, okay? I'm not one of those guys that's got the whole virgin-whore complex goin' on, just be you. Do what feels right. Screw the tutorials you read online."

"H-hah? How'd you-"

"Lucky guess," he couldn't help but laugh. She really had looked up guides? That wasn't unexpected, but still made him crack up. "Look, just copy me, okay? Don't think too hard about it." He held her chin and pulled her back into a kiss, lips soft and slow on hers. He wanted to give her a chance to respond before breaking it off. After a bewildered pause he felt chilly hands on either side of his face, light, only touching, not holding. They gingerly wove into the back of his hair and softly pulled at it. Her confidence built, and if he didn't know she was only trying to copy him, he'd think she was trying to take over. It wasn't until he felt a gentle bite on his lip that he realized he'd done it first. If she really was only copying what he did, he must be a better kisser than he thought. Her forearms weighed on his shoulders and pushed him down, and for a moment, on his back, her silhouette was surrounded by stars falling around them. The shadow lacked all her personal features, her eyes, face, just the general shape of her hair and shoulders was all he could make out. With her hair draped the way it was it made a familiar shape, a girl with black hair leaning over him, smiling and tugging at his earrings to tease him.

His girlfriend.

Spending time with Kanon was fine. There was nothing wrong with being her guide to watch a meteor shower at night, it wouldn't be safe to go off on her own, and they were close friends. There was nothing wrong with two people chasing love and learning they could trust one another. His father's words rung back in his head. Don't do anything you wouldn't do with your girlfriend standing behind you.

If she was here right now, what would she say?

Kanon chased the kiss, much of her weight on his chest, though one hand beside his head kept her propped up as well. He felt a sharp twinge of guilt and turned his face away before she made contact. The darkness meant she kissed his cheek anyway, though it wasn't what she'd been expecting.

"Ah, it's gettin' real late. Mom and Dad will kill me, we should, y'know, get goin'."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has some sort of smutty things going on but it doesn't get too far so if you don't like that don't worry!
> 
> This chapter is so long (⊙ω⊙✿) I have to get a few things lined up properly for upcoming chapters and I like ending it off at the end of the day... Leon had a busy day this time...

Most of the walk home was in silence. She'd asked him what she'd done wrong, to which he'd smiled in the darkness and promised he just wanted to get her home before it was too late at night. The lighting made it easier to lie to her. They'd gathered up their things again and hooked their arms together to head back.

When his family home was in sight, he felt the urge to push her arm off of his own, but forced himself to resist. It was harmless. It was something his girlfriend would be okay with. Leon unlocked the door and they bustled back into the warmth. They walked apart to take off their coats and put away their things, mutually mute, only the sounds of footfalls and rustling winter wear. Leon opened the door to his bedroom and looked over to Kanon, behind him.

"I'm just gonna get changed," he promised, and she nodded before he slipped in and closed the door behind him. The handle lock latched louder than he meant it to. It only took him a moment to change into sleepwear. Given the cooling weather, his flannel pyjama pants were appropriate anyway. By the time he was out again, Kanon was gone. Probably getting changed herself. He leaned against the wall to wait for her. The door to the guest room cracked timidly before she tiptoed out again, wearing a light, silky night gown, a clean white with ribbon straps and lace around the hem. The greeting caught in his teeth when he saw her. Kanon kept standing straight, but when his stare grew too awkward, she bashfully crossed her arms over her chest and hunched forward.

"Is... Is something wrong?"

"Hah?" He shook his head fast enough to make him dizzy. What was he thinking? "Sorry, I'm just tired. I think Mom and Dad already went to bed. We shouldn't be too loud, I don't wanna get in trouble for wakin' them up, but d'you wanna..." Suddenly he was reconsidering his offer. Was it appropriate to let her sleep beside him when she was wearing something that small? She hadn't jumped in to fill his hesitation. Strange. He noticed the tension gone from her arms and expression, just calmly looking at his chest, bringing attention to the fact that it was bare. "Hey, I'm up here," he pointed up at his face and smirked. She snapped her eyes back to his face, embarrassed to have been caught. Leon only laughed and ruffled up her hair in one hand. "C'mon, I'm tired and you'll wake me up if you come in later." He slipped his hand into hers and turned back towards his room. Her arm went taught before the rest of her followed.

His own room was familiar to him, there was no use turning on the light switch, he just guided Kanon to where he knew his bed was and climbed into it, over to the further side so she had space to lay beside him. When she did, he blindly pulled her in close and settled in. The scent of her shampoo left no doubt that it was her he was holding. There was femininity to her that he hadn't noticed before, softness to her shape, curves in places that never used to be curved. It made his mind drift back to when he'd seen her before and made the same observations, but now it didn't feel quite so awkward to think about. He buried his face in her shoulder and held her body close to his own. She said nothing, but hugged the arm wrapped around her and softly kissed his knuckles. Though he knew from her movements that she hadn't fallen asleep yet, he himself dozed off within minutes, fading into dreams of stars and feminine shapes.

 

* * *

 

  
Morning came too fast, and in the worst kind of way. Something loud that only made him squeeze his eyes tighter and pull Kanon closer to hide his face in her back.

"What are you doing?" That voice made his eyes snap open and let go of Kanon. His half-asleep but suddenly terrified eyes locked with his mother's. She looked from Leon to Kanon and back, fingertips tapping her lips in surprise. "Leon, why is..?"

"I had a nightmare," Kanon chimed in, playing up her most childish voice and rubbing one eye with her fist. "Big Brother helped me calm down, but I was too scared to go back to sleep by myself... I'm sorry, Auntie, I should've asked you if it was okay, but I didn't want to wake you..." Both Leon and his mother stared at her, one in confusion, the other in what bordered on horror. She didn't seem at all fazed by either.

"Aren't you a little old to be scurrying into Leon's bed at night?" She sighed and set her hands on her hips. The tension faded, but Leon couldn't get the pulse to stop ringing in his ears. "You know when you were little, you did that constantly. Poor boy never had any space when you two were together. It's been a few years since you've tried that, though..." Leon shifted his stare to his mother. Did she know about their bet? The reason Kanon had left him alone for a while? "I thought you'd just outgrown it. You know you used to tell us you were going to marry him, right?" Leon's face must've been a shade of _blue_. Was she buying Kanon's story? Did she suspect them of doing more than just sleeping? He'd been holding her pretty tight in his sleep, and only cuddled closer when he'd woken. When the stress threatened cardiac arrest for him, his mother laughed and ruffled up his hair. "You look _horrible_ in the mornings! Come on, you two, you're so _serious!_ If Leon has no problem with it, this one time is okay with me. Just come get us if you have problems again, okay? Leon's still a growing boy, he needs his rest!" She pecked his forehead and turned to leave again. "Get up and come downstairs, you'll sleep away the whole day, you two." She left his bedroom door open on her way out. Leon didn't breathe until he heard her footsteps off the last stair. When her voice met with his father's, he exhaled and fell backwards into bed.

"Shit, that was scary... Good thinkin', but I guess we can't do this again, huh?" He ran a hand through his hair and sighed at the ceiling. "What if they find out about this..?" Kanon slowly curled up into his side again, resting on his chest like a pillow and drawing hearts over his ribs with one finger.

"Would that be so bad?"

"You kiddin'? They'd kill me."

"Your parents aren't that strict. Don't you want their blessing?"

"You know the kind of girls I date, my parent's blessing isn't really somethin' I'm after. They're not part of my relationships anyway."

"Then why are you so scared of them disapproving?" She kept watching her finger. He swallowed the answer crawling from his throat. It wasn't too early in the morning, but given how late they'd gotten to sleep, he didn't feel particularly rested. Answering this would take too much thinking power.

"I'll tell ya later, it's a long story. I don't want her comin' back here in the middle of it." Kanon flattened her hand on his chest and looked up at him with large, sleepy eyes.

"Promise you won't just avoid it?"

"Yeah, I promise."

"Okay," she leaned up to kiss him, and in his sleepiness he reciprocated before the pang of guilt caught him. It was habitual- if he was waking up beside a girl and letting her cuddle up like this, why wouldn't he kiss her, too? As soon as they broke off he pushed her off and sat up to get dressed.

"C'mon, they're waiting for us. Go get dressed in your room, okay?" She sat up to look at him, quietly watching him rummage through his drawers to find something to wear. After he had picked out some clothing, he pulled on the shirt, which finally prompted Kanon to stand and head down to her own room. He sighed and closed the door after her.

By the time he got downstairs, his father was fixing lunch for the four of them, already two plates set aside and a third on it's way. Leon spun into his usual chair with a lazy "G'mornin'," at his parents. It was met with the usual chiding about oversleeping and staying out too late with his cousin. They reminded him not to make plans later, to clean himself up for dinner tonight and for God's sake, boy, have a shower and shave that tail off your face. He just leaned on his hand and sleepily waited for one of his parents to bring him his lunch.

 

* * *

 

  
After the meal with his family, he'd figured out his plans for the day. A brief visit with his girlfriend, home for a shower, and cleaned up in time for his parents' dinner. Simple. Kanon had watched him check his phone and tell his parents where he'd be, and despite a brief, uncomfortable beat of eye contact, had said nothing. Leon fixed himself up, found his favourite jacket, and set off to meet with her.

As usual it only took a few minutes to get to her house and press her bell. Her father answered with a stern expression, Leon had smiled and tried to avoid being chased off with a shovel, eventually seeing his girlfriend push past her dad and greet Leon with a hug before pulling him inside. They went up to her bedroom, door open as her parent's rules insisted, where he asked about her tutoring and ruffled her hair. She waved him out of her hair and scolded him for trying, but sighed, and said her lessons had gone well and she'd seen his message late and hadn't wanted to wake him with a reply. He debated saying he was up late with Kanon, but thought better of it. She already seemed suspicious of Kanon, no sense fueling that fire. Over formalities about her day, her father looked in and asked if she wanted anything from the store, and with an intense glare at Leon, said he'd be back in a few minutes. Leon had given his most innocent smile and nodded. As soon as the front door shut, Leon was hovering over his girlfriend, hands on her waist and smiling into a kiss.

"I thought he'd never leave," he murmured against her lips. She smiled back into it and rested her hands against his chest.

"He won't be gone for very long, Kuwata-kun."

"Hey, call me Leon, remember?"

"Ah, right, _Leon_ -kun. He'll be back before long."

"He just said that so I wouldn't touch you. It'll be fine, we'll just skip to the good bit, huh?"

"Mm," He kept cutting her off with more kisses, all of which she returned, hands starting to wander around his torso. "It's not Wednesday, though."

"C'mon, you can't make me stick to a schedule like that, I got needs too, Babe." His own hands roamed to the hem of her top, fingertips edging under it, sliding skin-on-skin upwards to her chest.

"Well..." His kisses cut off her arguments. "As long as we're both decent before my father-"

"Yeah, just a quickie, I gotta meet my parents later too."

"Quickie?" She gave a small laugh. "I haven't heard that term before."

"Seriously? Mm, I didn't make it up." One hand cupped against her bra, the other felt around the back of her skirt to find the zipper. "Just means we gotta skip the screwin' around. That's okay?"

"It's okay." She caught him in a kiss while her own hand patted between his legs. It spurred him to kiss her rougher and focus his attention on one area- fingers knotted around the clasp of her bra like they were solving a Rubik's Cube. These weren't usually tough to undo, but hers were practically _combination locks._ She gave him a squeeze and pressed against his groin harder, teasing with the friction, toying with knowing how clumsy it would make him. His hands slipped on the clasp. Her idle hand cupped his cheek into the biting kisses as his breath started to roughen and face flushed with anticipation. He made it too easy to tease him. She redirected her attention to his belts, one undone, quickly followed by the other. Though it wasn't really necessary, she undid the button on his pants next, and slipped his zipper down without pause. It gave him some much needed breathing room, as well as enough space for her hand to slip in and stroke him through his boxers. Just as she got to it, her bra popped open, and he quickly unbuttoned her blouse to get at her chest easier. Both slipped down her shoulders a little ways, without needing her to take her hands off him. He bit a hickey into her neck, only to feel fingernails leaving white trails in his back as he did. A moment later he felt teeth on his collarbone and took a sharp breath through his own teeth as she bit a matching one onto him. Clothing was melting off them. By the time her back hit the bed, it was bare and her skirt was undone. His own shirt had fallen with hers along the way, now nothing to soften the lines she scratched into his back every time he did something right. He pulled a square wrapper from his back pocket, but a sudden hand caught his wrist and stopped him from tearing it open. He looked at her in confusion, only to see a look of alarm on her.

"Did you hear that?"

"It's nothin'," he pushed kisses against her face to calm her down.

"That's my father, get off!" She pushed him back, hard, startling him and resulting in an undignified thud to the ground.

"Ow, shit! Why didn't you just _ask?_ " She was already stepping over him and frantically dressing herself again.

"Get dressed! Hurry!" She pelted his own clothes back at him, a belt buckle hitting him in the mouth, but he knew better than to be caught indecent in anyone's daughter's room. He threw on his clothes as quickly as he was able. Her hair was a hurricane and he knew his would be, too, but there wasn't time to smooth out every single feature. She roughly rubbed lip gloss off his cheek and ran her fingers through his hair to, at least, make the mess look intentional. As much as she tried to hide what they'd been doing, there was a certain part of his anatomy that wasn't so easy to cover up. She stared, displeased, and roughly smacked a pillow into his lap. "Hold this," she commanded, and set to smoothing down her own hair. Leon rubbed the back of his neck in disapproval. It was his own fault, sure, but now he felt anxious and couldn't get relief. Well, he still had time he could spend by himself to deal with it. Speaking of which- he checked the time on his phone.

"I'm gonna have to go soon anyway," he mused, and pocketed it again.

"Really? And you thought you'd be done in time? I guess it's not a stretch..."

"Hah?! No, shut up! I can leave later if I want to!" He groaned and leaned back in her bed. "Forgive me for not wantin' to spend all my time with your dad. I swear that guy would murder me if he could get away with it."

"Nonsense." She tugged on his loop earrings, making him flinch in annoyance. "There's no way he'd allow that much blood on the carpet."

"Tch, yeah, he'd make _you_ toss my corpse in a _lake_ somewhere, right?" Leon sighed. "That jackass wouldn't even waste the time diggin' me a grave himself."

"Hey, Kuwata-kun, I know you don't get along, but do you have to be so cruel? He's still my father, like him or not." She crossed her arms and looked back at him sternly. "He's important to me, and we've got a lot in common, really, so insulting him is kind of insulting me, too."

"What?" Leon twisted his face in annoyance and confusion. "You're nothin' like him, he's a total jerk! You seen how he talks to me?"

"He's just protecting me."

"From what?"

" _You,_ obviously. He doesn't trust your intentions."

"Why not?"

"Kuwata, you were here barely five minutes before you were all over me, it's not like he's unjustified!"

"Huh? Y- you were fine with that! I asked you about it and everything!"

"Yes, I did say it was alright with me, but he's not wrong about you, either. You're still the scoundrel he thinks you are, he just doesn't see the same 'you' that I do. I know you work hard and care about your studies, you actually have a very good heart, Kuwata-kun, but he hasn't seen that side of you..."

"Why _would_ he? He doesn't _care_ to see it! Only reason _you_ do is 'cause you wanna figure out what to _change_ about me first!"

"Pardon?"

"You heard me! What's that shit about me bein' _hard working?_ When have I ever shown ya that? And wanting to study? That's just what you _want_ me to be, not what I _am!_ "

"Maybe if you were more hard working you'd realize you _want_ to be more serious! If you were more serious about _that,_ you'd be more serious about _me,_ and then he wouldn't think you're such a-"

There was no mistake- loud footsteps on the stair proved her right. She flattened her lips into a tight frown. "We're not done discussing this," she seethed under her breath, not wanting her father to hear. They'd never bothered closing the door, just as well, because her father shoved his face in the doorway and held up a package for her.

"I got you some of your favourite," he held it forward for her to take. She complied, of course, and looked confused at the label.

"But... We've got another box of this downstairs. I haven't finished the other one yet." As she spoke, Leon held eye contact with her father, both seeming irritated with the other's presence.

"Oh. My mistake." He kept staring at Leon as he took it back from her.

"Right, well, I gotta go. I'll see you later." Leon got up and walked past her without acknowledgement, earning another venomous glare from her father, and tossed her pillow back at her bed when he was a few steps away. It landed perfectly against the others. Gradually his pace quickened, eager to get away from an argument as well as her tyrant father, fast down the stairs and only pausing briefly to shove his feet back in his shoes at the doorway.

What a disappointment. He unlocked the door and bristled at the chill in the air, but dove into it regardless. He didn't wave up at her window on his way out.

It was a stroke of good luck that he'd found a girl to date that lived so nearby. Before too long he was back at his own house. He only gave a brief greeting to his family before climbing the stairs in his own house, to the bathroom for a quick shower and some privacy with it. His clothes were on the floor, again, dropped on his way to the shower and leaving a trail to it. He held one hand under the water to make sure it was an alright temperature while he imagined the other belonged to someone else.

It seemed someone else has used the shower recently, as the water quickly warmed up and he climbed in without wasting much of it. It hit his back and steamed off of it. The skin pinkened where it touched.

But he didn't care about any of that- his thoughts were elsewhere and aching for relief. His forearm rested against the shower tile, forehead with it, while the other hand wrapped around himself and set to slow strokes. He bit his lip and adjusted to get more comfortable. With eyes closed it was easy to relax and soak in the warmth and steady pumping. Each touch knew where to go, exactly when to speed up or switch focus, quickly melting him in the sensations until his fingers gripped against the tiles and breath roughened. He looked down at what he was doing for a moment. Despite knowing better than anyone exactly what to do and when, there was no denying it was better with a partner. He closed his eyes again and tried to imagine someone else under him. A pretty girl with warm hands and hungry kisses. One with a short skirt and long legs. Each step of her stride flipping her skirt dangerously high, just to tease him and make him drool. Damn, his own hands were too rough for this fantasy. He stifled the noises he was close to making, cooled his breaths, just bit his teeth together and moved his hand faster. If anyone was outside the door, they'd hear him with embarrassing clarity.

So his fantasy girl had rough hands, that was fine. She had a pretty face and scratched up his back like an animal. Slender shoulders. Hooked her ankles together behind his back. Soft, glossy lips, that couldn't resist leaving his skin for an instant. This girl had the widest eyes, brightest smile, short hair with a cute bow fixed in the side. Curves like no one he'd seen. Strong enough to keep up with him, but still small enough that he didn't feel immasculated around her.

"Leon?" He stopped his hand and opened his eyes.

"What? I'm busy."

"Come out, we're running late already."

"Just a minute, almost done." He tried to keep any evidence out of his voice.

"Hurry up! You know how your father gets when he's late. I'm going to wait right here until you come out."

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" He wished. If she was right there, there's no way he'd be able to hide what he was up to. Thoughts of his mother listening in didn't exactly put him in the mood. He smacked the tap with frustration, switching off the water, and flicked it from his hair. All his mother would hear was the sound of a shower curtain and pulling a towel off the rack. He rubbed it on his hair and held it around his waist to open the door. "Happy?"

"Very. Come on, get dressed." The face smiling back at him wasn't, to his surprise, his mother. He'd almost forgotten Kanon was still here. It only compounded the embarrassment of what he'd been doing. At least the red on his face would be justified from the heat of the shower. "Your parents are all ready to go. What took you so long? Were you touching-up your hair dye?"

"Huh? No, just... Gettin' clean. Gimme a minute." He scurried off to his room and locked the door. It wasn't long before he was coming back out again, rubbing the towel over his hair and wearing a dress shirt partially-buttoned up. Kanon was still in the hall. He ignored her on his way back to the bathroom for some hair gel, quickly fixed the style with a dryer and mist of spray. Kanon kept watching passively, wearing her own version of his outfit. A cute pink and white dress with flowers on one hip. It suited her well. Leon didn't comment on it, however, much too busy distracting himself and trying not to think about her rough hands and the bow fixed in her short hair.

They headed down the stairs as one, still bustling to get Leon cleaned up and presentable, and piled into the family car together. Kanon fixed his tie from the seat next to him.

"Don't you know how to tie these?" She hadn't tried to fix his messy knot, just untied it, smoothed it out and started over.

"Yeah, I was just in a hurry. Why d _'you_ know?"

"It's a good skill for a wife to have, don't you think?" It was his mother that added that with a smile. "I taught her on your father a few years ago. I'm surprised you still remember how- good job!" She switched on the radio and flipped over some stations. She _had_ remembered well. There was no hesitations or mistakes, and when she pulled it snug around Leon's neck, she didn't make it too tight or too loose. Just the perfect fit. She met his eyes, still holding the tie.

"Is that alright?" She smoothed it down with one hand, but kept looking at his eyes as she did.

"Yeah, it's good. Thanks." He was suddenly aware of his parents being nearby and turned to look out the window. Kanon paused, but followed suit, looking out her own window and not chasing the issue. He was quietly appreciative of it.

They didn't say much to each other in the car. The conversation was lead by his parents, and though it wasn't awkward when Kanon or Leon chimed in, they more or less avoided talking directly to one another, though nothing about it felt strange in the moment. The family arrived at another home after half an hour or so, both couples piling out of the car, Leon's parents hurrying on head and ringing the bell while Leon and Kanon dawdled for a moment.

"Do you like my dress?" She asked. They were on the opposite side of the car, and his parents had vanished around a corner towards the front door. Leon quickly pecked her forehead.

"It would look better on the floor." Her face reddened abruptly, and Leon passed her to join his parents. She tagged along a few steps behind.

They greeted relatives with warm smiles and hugs all around. Leon introduced Kanon to his extended family, though most of them recognised her with drawn-out _"Ooh,"_ 's and _"My, how you've grown!"_ 's. Usually Leon's mother's side of the family didn't see her, but once in a while they had babysat her during birthdays or other events. Like today. Leon was handed his parent's coats and, with a frown, carried the mound off to the designated room for them. He tossed them in a heap on the bed and undid his own coat to join them. Kanon caught up behind him.

"Will you help me remember names?" She asked. "I'm terrible with them. Just use it naturally in the conversation so I don't look bad, okay?"

"Sure," Leon draped his own coat over one of the bed posts and turned to face her. The door was open behind them, with his aunt and mother standing in view and catching up. He brushed Kanon's hair from her face. She never seemed to get all of it in the clip. "That dress is too short for you. You got any idea what that kinda thing does to guys?"

"Is it bad? Do you not like it?" She pulled out the skirt and looked down at it. "I like the design, a-and it's a nice colour, so..."

"Kanon, it's perfect. I just dunno how I'm gonna keep to myself when you're dressed like that." She let go of the skirt and smiled inwardly, eyes lightly closed. Talking to her like any other girl didn't feel quite so awkward anymore. It was less forced than before. Though the intent wasn't really there, the words felt natural enough, and seeing her react to them so positively helped make it easier each time.

"You'll manage. You kept to yourself for years already."

"Yeah, well, it's been a weird day for me," he adjusted the collar of his shirt and returned to where his family was gathered. They welcomed him into the circle of chairs and people seated on the floor, several spaces opening up as people shifted and gestured for him to sit and tell them about school. He chose one near his aunt and answered questions about Hope's Peak as they came. He wished he had more cousins. Everyone at these events was older than him, and though his aunt was pretty young, it had been a long time since she'd been seventeen. The closest relative to his own age might be the infant his aunt was holding. He gathered it was his mother's brother's wife's brother's. No relation to him, but a mouthful to communicate, so they'd shrugged and said cousin was a close enough word. It was his first time meeting the infant, now two years old, and the two mutually stared at but otherwise ignored each other. Still, his family was all friendly enough, and spoke to him as though he was an adult himself. A courtesy most adults didn't grant him. Now that the last of the guests had arrived, his grandfather called everyone to come to the table for dinner. Kanon took a seat beside Leon and leaned over to ask the name of the woman she'd been speaking with.

They chatted with the family members, nothing deep and profound, but plenty of laughs at each other's expense and telling stories about recent events. One of his mother's two brothers had recently gotten started in police work, something warrenting plenty of the spotlight to discuss work, while the other uncle, a mechanic, had recently found a live mouse in a glove compartment. They all listened to Leon talk about Hope's Peak, playfully asking him how it felt to be famous, reminding him not to forget all the little people when he was a big star. His aunt made sure to remind him about the fancy car he'd promised her when he was eight.

While his aunt's husband started sharing opinions on oil prices, Kanon rested a hand on Leon's thigh under the table and whispered in his ear.

"Did you mean what you said?" He turned his head to look at her, confused.

"About what?" So as not to interrupt, they kept their voices down, and enough people had joined in the boring political talk for the cousins to avoid too much attention.

"My dress." She blinked at him slowly, each eyelash thinly coated in mascara. It looked good enough to be the 'after' photo on an advert for beauty products.

"Yeah," he smiled with one side of his face, and hid it behind a bite of his dinner roll. Kanon copied with a sip of her soup.

"Maybe later today?" Her hand brushed up higher and made him cough on his bite. His relatives looked over to make sure he was alright, but he waved their attention off and had a drink of his tea.

"Let's not talk about this here, okay?" He muttered it around the lip of his cup. Kanon just pushed harder between his legs and made him fidget in discomfort. Of course. He put one hand on top of hers to stop her, but didn't force it off just yet. This was hardly the time or place, but... A little more wouldn't hurt. It had been a strange day for this.

"Nakajima-chan, can you put this away for me?" Both cousins looked over at Leon's great-uncle, sitting beside Kanon and holding out a piece of tin foil wrapped around something. "My coat's the one with blue stripes. My dog adores these, I just had to take one for her. Don't tell Leon's parents, okay?" He winked at her and smiled as she took it with a polite nod.

"Sure thing," She smiled back.

"Hey, Uncle Ichirou." Leon waved back, the fourth name he'd dropped for Kanon today, and probably even more awkward than the last three. Kanon got up and headed over to the coat room to put it away. He turned and watched her go. The skirt of her dress swung dangerously high with each stride. He must be crazy. Leon brushed his hair back and got up to follow her. His uncle watched him stand, but no one said anything, probably assuming he was just going to the washroom or something.

Kanon was just finding the pockets on the striped jacket when Leon joined her. She must not have heard him approach, as she proceeded to slip the tin foil package into it and neatly do up the button to close it in. Leon just gently kicked the door shut and caught up behind her, slowly sliding his hands around her waist and hovering over her shoulder as she turned back in surprise, not sure at first who was touching her, only to nearly bonk into Leon's nose with her own.

"Ah- Big Brother, what're you..?"

"D'you think you can get away with teasin' me like that?" He kissed into her neck while she seemed confused.

"But... Your family..."

"They won't miss us for a little while. Forget them."

"Your girlfriend?" He had his eyes open, looking off at the coats, arms still looped around her. He thought about how strict she was, how she always pulled his earrings when she knew he didn't like it, the way her father so obviously detested him. How despite living so close, she rarely had short windows for him between classes and tutoring. And about how cute it was when she only half-heartedly wanted to be mad at him for something, the way she believed so firmly in his dreams, admired his skills and never let the conversation lull. How sweet she was when her father wasn't around. How cold she was when he _was_ there. How furious she could be when he disappointed her. How much faith she had in his future. How little expectation she had in his present. It had been going well, sure, but could he keep that up forever? She obviously loved who she _wanted_ him to be, not who he _was,_ but that had never really bothered him. She was alright to talk to. They didn't have a lot in common, but she could keep up smalltalk, and had a great body when the conversation got boring.

"We broke up," he lied, and dotted more kisses against Kanon's neck.

"... Really?" She rested her hands on top of his, clearly worried about him, and possibly his intentions, too. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, it was a while ago. I was just returning her stuff today, but we were on good terms and all, so, whatever." Her fingers were light on his wrists. "C'mon, I need some _healing_." A couple more kisses into her back.

"You'll feel better?" He nodded and 'mhmm'ed. Kanon turned in his arms to face him, held his face in her hands and kissed into his lips, slow and tender. He pushed back into it, hands on her waist and pushing her back against the heap of coats. Her heels hit it and she threw down one hand to keep her balance. "Are you sure?" She held his tie to keep from falling, the other straight out behind her. It tightened on his neck, but he supported her weight in his arms so it wouldn't choke him.

"Yeah, of course. I've never been more sure of anything. You're my best friend, Kanon, my entire world." Lines he'd recited a hundred times before with different names subbed in for hers. A few flattering words loosened belts and zippers quicker than anything. He tried to kiss her again to stop her from talking, but she pushed two fingertips against his lips to stop him.

"Do you really mean that?"

"Of course."

"You love me?"

"They'll hear us if we're too loud."

That quieted her down, but she whispered the question again as her back met the coats. He pretended not to hear and muffled her with more kisses. If he lied and told her he did, she'd never let him forget it. He wasn't looking for a lifetime, just for tonight. After a few minutes she stopped persisting about it, just lost in the kisses, lightly pulling on his tie every now and then. He felt up her thigh a ways, but stopped a little over her knee. As much as he wanted some relief, it still felt like a violation to touch Kanon this way. She had always been off-limits to everyone. People at school knew not to cross her, lest they get on the bad side of the entire baseball team. Of course if anyone would be allowed to do this, it would be him. If anyone could trample a flower garden it was the gardener himself. Did that mean he should? Even if he was trying to treat her like any other girl, even if it turned out to be easier than he expected it to be? Hands pulled at his belt and made him lose his train of thought.

"Can we trade places?" His belt clicked open as she asked it.

"What? Right now?" Her hands didn't stop, loosening the belt as he asked as if on auto-pilot.

"I don't think we should get completely undressed here," she looked off to one side. "The door doesn't lock. If someone heard it and came in to investigate..."

"Ah, alright, whatever you want." Again, feminine hands undid the button on his pants, the teasing already getting him flustered from the number of times today he'd gotten close. It was so hard to focus on anything else. Kanon moved to sit up and Leon shifted to accomodate, on his back, propped up on his elbows and unsure exactly what she was planning. She held herself over him, kissing at his neck and opening the buttons on his shirt. He tilted his head to give her more space. As she opened his shirt she kissed the newly exposed skin under it, following the V it made down his chest until it was completely open and she hovered near his opened belt. He watched her over the rise and fall of his chest, biting his tongue ring in anticipation of what he suspected she had in mind. The room wasn't well lit, as Kanon hadn't bothered to switch on the light to put away the tin foil packet, but the blinds on the window were thin and light from under the door illuminated her face well enough to clearly make out the details. It cast them both in shades of blue and turned the red in her cheeks to purple, the gold in her eyes to near green. She only looked up at his face briefly before returning her attention to the task at hand. Her nervousness was obvious, but in spite of it she tugged his belt down a little ways and gently brushed her fingers over the thin fabric of his briefs. Her fingertips were light on him, only ghosting over where she'd never been allowed to touch him before, until she abruptly jumped forward and pinned his shoulders back.

"Choberiba-" she bit the word under her breath.

"Ah, Kanon?" He tried to make out her face, but the lighting and angle made it too difficult to follow what had just happened. She sharply got to her feet and he tried to sit forward again, only to hear a sound and shrink back. "Shit, what's that?"

"Shut up for a second," she looked either way, grabbed his own jacket off the bed post, and flung it over him. "Hide under that, don't move an inch!" It hit him in the face and he reached to catch it on reflex. Just as the door clicked open he settled into place and held his breath. Hopefully his more distinguishing traits were hidden. His legs weren't covered at all, but among the dark pile of coats, a dark set of pants and shoes wouldn't stand out unless he moved. His hands and face were under the jacket, tucked into his chest, covering the white dress shirt and hopefully everything else lighter in colour. He listened intently, praying they didn't move his jacket or sit on him and realize his state of dress. Damnit, if only he could do up the buttons on his shirt, just do up his belt, anything to hide what they'd nearly done. His face was already hidden in his palms, but he cringed harder into it. What had he been thinking? Was he really about to let Kanon do something like that? She wanted to be treated like just any girl, and if it had been anyone else, he'd be happy to let her keep undressing him and kissing lower down his body. The part that made him feel worse than anything, however, wasn't that he'd nearly let her. It was that he felt alright about doing it. Kanon had almost gotten him off, and _he didn't feel like it was wrong to let her._

"Kanon-chan, I thought I heard voices in here... Are you alright?" Leon strained to distinguish who the voice belonged to. It was a woman, probably not his mother, but it could be. He guessed it was his aunt.

"Yes, I'm sorry, I was on the phone. It was a friend from school, I thought there was a problem but it turns out it was just a misunderstanding." Damn, Kanon was a great liar. She had no time to plan that, and here she was reciting it so easily. He doubted even he would've known that wasn't true.

"Oh, alright. Have you seen Leon? Seems like he slipped off somewhere. That boy never seems to want to be with his family." Leon resented that, but kept still anyway. Kanon would think of something.

"Mm, he's not in here. Did you look outside?"

"Not yet. I think he probably went off with the neighbour girl, she's around his age, they played together as kids sometimes and I think she was looking forward to seeing him. Why are you in the dar-"

"No, leave it!" His heart skipped. If she flipped on the light, there's no way she'd overlook him laying there, hidden in plain sight. "Choberiba, my head's been spinning, I wanted to get away from the lights for a little while... It's embarrassing to admit that... Do you have painkillers I can use?"

"Oh, yeah, sure. I think my purse is on the bed there-"

"I'll pass it," he heard footsteps and felt every muscle tense. The air under his coat was getting stuffy. He wanted to pull it off and take some clean air, but held off, slow, shallow breaths to make it last as long and as quietly as possible. Something clinked near him and hovered back towards the door. Kanon and the woman chatted briefly about the bag, and just as his lungs ached for a proper breath, Kanon suggested they check outside for Leon. He heard the door shut behind them and a mute darkness covered him again. A moment passed before he slowly let the coat down and breathed deeply. Damn. That was close, in more than one way. Frighteningly close. Teasingly close. Worryingly close. He got to his feet and threw his coat to the bed behind him, promptly fixing his clothing with a red to his cheeks. Nothing about this was alright, but he felt okay with it. Only regretful that it hadn't gotten further. What was wrong with him? What had happened to his brotherly instinct? He turned and caught his own eyes on the vanity's mirror, just by the door. His tie was messed up again, but nothing in his eyes looked like it had changed. He rested both palms on the desk and leaned to look closer in the reflection of his eyes, staring himself down in the poor lighting around him.

"What's _wrong_ with you?" He muttered it at the boy staring back at him and looking from one eye to the other. At the same time, he refused to let the stare intimidate him. He'd done nothing wrong. It was harmless. The phrase was redundant by now, beaten into his skull by his own mind, still not closer to being believed. Why didn't it feel wrong to touch Kanon like that? To think about her doing things to him? If any other boy had expressed those very same thoughts, he'd find himself in a fist fight with Leon pretty quickly. Since when was he willing to lie to her to get sex? Since when did he even _want_ it from her? He dropped his head down and sighed. This was insane. It was only a few days ago that she'd won their bet, things were going too quickly. A rough patch with his girlfriend meant a dry spell for love and affection, of course he'd be hungry for it, of course his best friend is where he'd look to get it. Of course he'd try to rationalize it in a way that pointed the blame anywhere but on himself.

A few minutes later he left the coat room again, back to the party where he was quickly 'found' by his mother, who gave his beard a tug and scolded him for running off like that. She straightened out his tie for him and told him this was hardly the time to fool around with neighbour girls. (Besides, don't you have a girlfriend?) He begrudgingly took the scolding without arguing and returned to his spot beside Kanon for the rest of the evening. They kept the conversation general and included as many family members as possible. It didn't seem like anyone suspected them of anything. The rest of the evening went smoothly, a good time for all, happy reunions and needed catching-up with siblings and in-laws. The Kuwatas (plus Kanon) climbed back into the car they'd arrived in after a few more hours, and started the drive home again. It wasn't until much later that Leon and Kanon were alone together again, the hall between their rooms, practically their meeting place for the week. Her wrists rested on his shoulders, hands lazily loose at his back, arms straight to keep up eye contact. His own had somehow found her waist and he mutely rested his forehead against hers. He had to think this through, but he had no idea how to start, or what to tell her in the meantime. Would it take him long? Would he change his mind later? He had no idea.

"Earlier today," she spoke it, but so quietly it was hardly louder than a whisper, most of the noise smothered in her throat. "What you said..."

"About your dress? I wasn't lying about that." He held her volume. "I'm not the kind of guy that... Uh... I'm not like you, I fall for bodies, not hearts." He lightly swayed his head either way, but kept the point of contact between them. "I just don't wanna hurt you."

"You won't."

"I will."

"I'll be okay if you do."

"If all this just leads up to me falling in love for one night and feelin' nothin' in the morning, and if our family hates us for it..."

"Things will work out. If that's where it ends, that's where it ends. Do you think I'm afraid of that?" He said nothing, just swayed again in uncertainty and gave a quiet hum. "I'm afraid of it being _me_ that wakes up and feels nothing. _That's_ what I'm scared of." Hearing it sent a shiver through him. He hadn't even considered that possibility before. What if she only wanted what she couldn't have? What if it lined up just perfectly that he fell for her right when she tired of him? "I've loved you all my life, it's been one thing that's always been constant. I don't want that to change."

"There's a million ways this can go wrong."

"And a million more ways it can go right. Just like with any relationship. Do you trust me?"

"Yes."

"Then that's already a better starting point than most people."

They heard footfalls down the hall and mutually turned their heads to look, but kept standing close, hands in the wrong places, expressions tired and not wanting to bother with hiding what they were doing. A light flicked on under a doorway and the footfalls walked back where they'd come from. Leon sighed, more from fatigue than anything, and stepped back, out of their closeness.

"We should get to bed." Kanon nodded and slowly turned towards her room, a hesitation to look back at him, but he stayed where he was, staring straight back. "You can't come in my room again. If my parents find out what we're doing they'll keep us apart. Stay in your room tonight and I'll make it up to you later." Another nod, and she reluctantly slipped into her own room, softly closing the door behind her as she went. Leon sighed again and mirrored her, back to his own room, where he changed into sleepwear and fell into the blankets, alone. His bed felt frigid. After a minute he settled with his arms crossed in front of his chest, hugging something that wasn't there, eyes open in the dark and locked onto one of the nonsense shadows of his furniture. His mind was getting away from him. He didn't feel bad about aching to hold someone to him, he felt bad about it not being his girlfriend. Lack of guilt was the only thing making him feel guilty. He buried his face in his pillow and mentally cursed himself. This was insane. Was he thinking about the same girl? This was his goofball cousin that would throw fits as a baby and pester him into letting her join his games. The girl that tagged along behind him and held the bucket of bugs he'd caught for him while he chased down another. His target practise when he got a toy gun. The girl that played dress-up on him and tested her first makeup by poking his eye and smearing lipstick on his cheeks. She'd tackled him to the ground and broken his arm when they were playing, and he'd returned the favour a few months later. As they got bigger they stopped terrorizing each other so much, but he couldn't find anything attractive about the brat that stuck gum in his hair. So why did his attention linger on what she'd turned into? That just meant more mass to throw at him to pin him down and give him eyeshadow. He bustled his blankets around him. Was it just their ages? Hormones had turned him into a cartoon character with heart eyes and a floppy tongue, floating after anything in a skirt while drooling uncontrollably. They'd made her crack jokes about hitting a homerun, but more than that, they'd shifted her body around and sorted the flesh into all the right places. Was it just because she was convenient? Because she was there and he was a lusty teenager? He hugged his arms tighter around nothingness. It seemed to add up like that. He was bored and lonely, she was convenient and fanned his ego. That explained why his mind kept drifting to thoughts of getting her under him, but not why it would be appeased by just laying beside her.

What was going on?

He rolled over and tried to force himself to feel sleepy, but feelings of tiredness wouldn't come, despite how exhausted he felt from the day's events. It was as though the lights were left on and irritating him too much to doze off with. He slowly opened his eyes again and hovered his attention on the door. Any minute now Kanon would softly open it and tiptoe over to him, quietly curl up beside him. He'd pretend he was asleep and stir from the movement, hug her like a teddy bear, like a habit, like something he couldn't control and wasn't thinking about, despite how his heart banged into his ribs from it.

The door didn't budge, no matter how long he waited for it to. A thought bubbled up in his mind, but he quickly shot it down. What would his parents think? What would they say? What would _Kanon_ think?

...

He quietly swung his legs over the side of his bed and mutely shifted his weight onto them. He didn't make a sound as he left his room, twisted the handle to lock it, and pulled it shut behind him. He tested it, finding himself locked out of his own room. Then he turned the handle to Kanon's room, finding it unlocked, and slipped inside as quietly as he could. He gently closed it after him.

"Big Brother?" He froze.

"My door's locked," he jumped to explain himself. "I locked it by accident and can't get back in, so, y'know. I didn't wanna sleep on the floor or whatever, I've got no blankets, and-"

"It's fine, don't make so much noise." He heard her shifting in the dark. "There's space here. It's the spare room anyway, right? That's where you would've slept until your parents would unlock it for you if I wasn't here. You didn't really have a choice."

"Yeah, that's exactly it." He wasn't sure if she was just filling in his cover story for him, or if she actually believed it herself. Since when had she become such a good liar? He didn't worry so much about the sound of his steps as he got closer, going off of memory for finding the bed and sliding under the blankets with her. As he blindly tried to get comfortable he felt small arms wrap around him and cuddle into his side. He stayed on his back and looked at the blackness over them. It was too dark to even make out the ceiling, but it was comfortable like this, eyes closed, arm lazily wrapped over Kanon's shoulders, the other folded behind his head. It finally felt like sleep was on it's way.

"Big Brother?"

"Mm?"

"What you said earlier..."

"I meant it," he yawned over the words. "How many times are you gonna ask?" Instead of an answer, he felt her fingertip drawing circles on his chest, and knew she was lost in thought.

"Are you tired?"

"Yeah."

"Too tired?"

"For wh- ah, Kanon, my parents are just down the hall..."

"Does that bother you?"

"You kidding me? Of _course_ it does- we can't..." He stifled himself before he got too loud. If they heard them talking they'd unlock his room and that would be that. Instead he just picked at the blanket with his fingers and bit his lip. "You'd be too loud."

"I won't!" She abruptly propped herself up on her hands. It was impossible to distinguish anything in the dark, the only way he knew how she moved is because of how the bed shifted and her voice moved.

"Shush, you're _already_ too loud!" He patted a hand where he thought her face would be, trying to cover her mouth but only serving to bonk her nose and touch her hair with either hand. "D'you really want your first time to be like this? All muffled and stifled? I can't even _see_ you, don't you want the lights on?"

"So Big Brother likes the lights on..." She muttered, more to herself, but enough to embarrass him to the point of trying harder to cover her mouth.

"Of course I do!" He managed to find her mouth and cover it in his hand, now sitting forward himself. "Otherwise how am I s'posed to see what I'm doin'? I don't just jump in there without, y'know, _pre-heating the oven_ first." His volume dial returned to a whisper. It was easy to forget he was talking to her when she was quiet and invisible. His mind was wandering again. "Some girls are such teases, and it's really cute when they make that angry face when I tease 'em back, and if it's totally dark, you can't even make eye contact..." He had no idea if Kanon was looking at him, or even listening to him, but her lips shifted under his hand to bite her lip. "Once I've been goin' with the same girl for a while, I don't really mind it, y'know, if it's just to get off and feel better for the week. Then sure. We're just doin' it like a chore or somethin'. I, uh... I've been told I get kinda... Well, _annoying_ if it's been a while, so... After that it's better. But if it's not like that, then you wanna be able to be loud and get really into it, y'know?" Silence. He suddenly felt awkward about telling her this and laid back down, letting go of her and wondering why he had silenced her for so long. "... It's better like that." After a pause, she laid back down too, returning to cuddling up into his side.

"Okay," she whispered back. "Not when your parents are here." It sounded like she was taking notes on something he felt should be obvious. Of course he didn't want his parents hearing him. What if they walked in on him? Just thinking about it was humiliating. He leaned into her and closed his eyes.

"Yeah." The fatigue was coming back again, and with her here, it was easier to slide into the comfortable, warm feeling of sleep.

"They were there earlier today, though. If nobody had interrupted us..."

"That's..."

"It was just to feel better, huh?" Nothing sounded hostile about the question, but he still felt like he'd been put on the spot to answer it. He'd been trying to be honest with her. He _could_ lie to her in the dark like this, probably, but he _wanted_ to be honest with her. Be honest and admit he meant to use her. Or he could lie and say he never meant to go through with it? Could he _get away_ with that lie, after what he'd already said? It seemed he'd taken too long to think about it. "I see." There was resignation in her words this time.

"I, uh..."

"Don't feel bad, Big Brother. I'd rather you were honest with me. Because we trust each other, right?"

"Yeah, I trust you." This was too difficult to process right now. "I'm real tired, Kanon, can we talk about this tomorrow?"

"Yeah. And why you don't want your parents to ever know about us." Damn, he'd forgotten about that. He had to explain a few things to his girlfriend, too. He had an _argument_ waiting for him there. "Good night, Big Brother."

"G'night, Kanon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like some stuff might blow up in his face soon... (⊙ω⊙✿);;... He's been lying too much, hasn't he... What did his dad tell him about honesty?!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leon touches a boob in this so CTRL+F the phrase "pillow talk" to jump to when it's over ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ

Leon woke up in a way starting to feel familiar. Kanon was still cuddled into him, and he flinched away from the light and sound, further into her and holding her tighter. His father's voice this time, and a heavy hand on his shoulder with it.

"Hey, wake up, Kiddo." Leon groaned and squirmed, not ready to wake up yet. "How come you're in here?" He sleepily opened his eyes and looked at his father.

"In where?" He looked around and abruptly let Kanon go. "Ah, my door..." He avoided making eye contact. Even if he had the story prepared already, it was difficult to lie right to his face like this. "I'd locked it by mistake, couldn't get in, so I just thought I'd sleep here... I forgot Kanon was in this room but I didn't wanna wake you up and, uh..." Kanon had stirred awake herself, but stayed cuddled into his side. Leon gingerly tried to push her off without looking too obvious about it. His father just stared, not looking like he was buying it, but not really certain one way or the other about what exactly he was seeing. They were close. Everyone knew that. They'd been best friends as children, so of course they'd be comfortable around one another, and they were still young. What was too old to be cuddling your best friend in bed? Leon was too sleepy to know for sure, but it looked like his father came to some sort of conclusion, and shook his head while stepping back.

"Alright, Sport. Get on back to your own room before your mom sees you in here, she told me to come chase Kanon out of _your_ bed. I won't tell her if you hurry." Getting up and going was always difficult for him, but incentive like that made it easier to pull the blankets back and get out of bed. He was embarrassed to have been caught, again, and worse than before, it was _him_ that had left his own bed. Kanon let him slip from her arms and scurry off to his own room, head down as he passed his father and staying down until he tried the handle of his room. It was still locked.

"Hey, Dad, you got the spare key? It's still-" He turned back and saw the door to Kanon's room shut, his father staring him down with crossed arms and disapproval on his face. "... It's still locked," he looked back, deer-in-the-headlights.

"Son, come downstairs and talk to me for a minute." Without another word, he left down the steps. Leon paused as the dread soaked in. Soft footfalls on the other side of Kanon's door drew his attention, and he caught up to his father before giving Kanon the chance to eavesdrop. He rubbed his upper arms and walked beside his father, feeling exceptionally small and vulnerable. It was unlike his father to get so serious. There was no doubt he was in trouble, he just didn't know how _much_ trouble. "That girl you mentioned before," his father started, still walking through the kitchen and away from where anyone might overhear. Leon swallowed and avoided making eye contact. "You were talking about your cousin?" He said nothing. What _could_ he say? He was caught, he was just lucky he hadn't actually done anything that drastic with her. With any luck the punishment wouldn't be quite so severe. "Her parents were worried about her, when she was younger." Leon looked up at his father. Where was he going with this? "She only ever talked about you. You know that?" He nodded and drew his lips into a tight line. "You remember her saying she loved you and wanted to marry you, and all those sorts of things?" Again, he nodded. "She stopped doing that a few years ago. All at once she stopped. Did you tell her to?" He looked down again.

"It's not like I _told_ her to..."

"Then what is it _like?_ You told me you had a deal with your mystery girl, was it that?" Again, he couldn't find the words, just nodded. "What was it?" He hated being grilled like this, and flinched from the harshness of the question.

"The thing was... She kept buggin' me about that stuff, y'know? She, uh..." Did his father know about the stalking? It seemed as good a time as any to come clean. "She used to stalk me," he didn't look at his father's expression, but he was confident it would be bad. "I was okay with it though, so don't get her in trouble for that. I thought she'd stop if I just gave in and took her on a date and she realized how awkward it was on her own. Y'know, come to the conclusion herself. So I told her if she could pitch as good as me, I'd take her on a date." He rubbed his upper arms again. The house was still cool from the night, he was used to the warmth of Kanon's blankets, and being without a shirt wasn't helping him adjust. "I know it's stupid, I just... I guess I thought it would be easy. I told her she couldn't pester me about it until she could throw it, and then she stopped talking to me altogether, got super into practisin' and whatever."

"You forgot about it, and she actually managed to do it?" He nodded over a shiver. "I see. Did you sleep with her?" Leon looked up as he saw movement in his peripherals. His father uncrossed his arms, set his hands on his hips and sighed.

"We only slept, I swear." He made a crossing motion with his arms and shook his head. "Why would you think that I _did?_ " His father pointed at his collarbone. Leon looked down at his own, confused. The hickey his girlfriend had bitten into him yesterday. Realization sunk in. When Kanon was staring at his chest yesterday, she wasn't just admiring his body, she was thinking about where he'd gotten it. He told her he broke up with his girlfriend and had just returned her things, then come home with a hickey. He hid his face in his hands. "Ah, shit, that was my girlfriend, I didn't think it was that hard..."

"It's alright, Champ. You've got scratches on your back, too." His face tinted a few shades redder, still buried in his palms. "As long as it wasn't your cousin, what you do in your own time is your business. Just stay safe about it."

"Yeah, I know."

"Leon... You can't let her get her hopes up. I trust you'll do the right thing in the end." He cracked a space between his fingers to look at his father. Was that it? No punishment? No yelling at him or smacking him upside the head, no banning him from seeing his cousin ever again? His father held out something familiar for Leon to take. The blood drained form his face. His phone. He snatched it back quickly and opened his text history.

"Hey, don't go through that!" He tapped Kanon's name and scrolled over the text history. All those heart icons, all his attempts to appease her... It didn't look good on him. He selected her contact icon and typed a random name in it's place, just in case it was his mother going through it next.

"You don't feel that way about _her,_ do you?" He abruptly shook his head.

"No way, she's practically my sister, it's gross." The words were out his mouth before he'd even thought about them. It felt like a reflex. He'd rejected Kanon so many times that it just felt like routine. A learned response to recite the same phrase. He was busy setting a new password on his lock screen, anyway. His birthday would be easy to remember. January third- 0103. Too easy to guess. He shifted the first digit and added a lucky seven, just to make it harder to guess. _1-0-3-7_. He'd remember that.

"Atta boy. Just stop giving her false hope, alright? Be honest with her about it. Even if you don't mind sleeping beside your sister, she doesn't see you as a brother, so that's no excuse for it. I'll keep this between us so Kanon doesn't get in too much trouble, you know I hate seeing you two be scolded and your uncle is harsher than I am about it. You know right from wrong. You're practically a man yourself, now. I understand you just wanted to make her feel better, but you know how those messages look from the outside. Do you want me to talk to Kanon for you?"

"Ah, no, that's okay. Thanks, Dad, but I can deal with it. If you make it some kinda _forbidden_ thing she'll only want it more."

"Alright. But don't let me catch you doing anything inappropriate, okay? Hands to yourselves." Leon nodded furiously. He knew he'd dodged a bullet by having his father catch him instead of his mother, and gotten incredibly lucky with his mood at the time. He was shocked he'd gotten off so easily, and gave his dad a quick hug.

"Thanks Dad," he said it fast, intending to let go of the hug as quickly has he'd taken it, but found his father still holding his back and not letting him go. He reluctantly returned to hugging him. At least no one was looking at this.

"I love you, Leon." He paused. It wasn't anything he didn't know or hadn't heard before, but now that he was a teenager, it felt weird to hear it said aloud. "I'm proud of you. You'll do what's right, I've got complete faith in you." There was a moment of quiet between them, but Leon hugged in closer for a moment.

"Love you too, Dad. Thanks."

"Well you two are up early," Leon startled and jumped out of the hug, seeing his mother at the top of the stairs, looking right back over at them.

"Yep," his father interjected. "Leon was just telling me he wanted to make us both breakfast. Isn't that sweet of him?" Leon looked over in _outrage_.

"I didn't-"

"Oh, that's so nice!" His mother seemed appeased and turned back the way she'd come. "I'm going to get dressed, tell me when it's ready!" He shot his father a sulking expression, only to be met with his hair being ruffled, again, and the older man leaving with a laugh to join his wife. He watched in annoyance as they left, but considering the new blackmail his father had on him, he didn't want to go against him. Instead he just yelled after him;

"Don't forget to give me the key, okay?" His father waved back dismissively, leaving Leon downstairs with a breakfast to make. He glared over at the kitchen. Well, eggs were easy enough. No one ever said it had to be gourmet. He started throwing together the supplies he'd need and tossed a few sliced of bread into the toaster.

The eggs were almost done when he heard Kanon creeping down the steps. He glanced over, but returned his attention to the eggs, and let her come up beside him and sit up on the counter.

"Hey, Kanon," he took the pepper from the space beside her. "Sleep okay?" She nodded while he poorly estimated the amount of pepper needed and left a greyish cloud over the food. Oh, well. It wasn't his fault his father made him prepare breakfast.

"Did Uncle yell at you? I couldn't tell what you were saying, just a couple words here and there..."

"You were listening in?" He flicked some residual pepper at her. "Brat. Don't eavesdrop like that." She flinched and wiggled her nose to shake the pepper off. Leon smiled and returned his attention to the eggs. "It's fine, we just talked about stuff. He got me to make everybody breakfast, the jerk."

"Can we talk about stuff too?"

"Ah... What d'you wanna talk about?" He absently rubbed over the bruise on his collarbone. It wasn't too sore, but with Kanon here, he was suddenly self conscious about it.

"You don't want them to know about us. How come?"

"We'll both get in trouble. I don't want them to get in the way and keep us from seein' each other." Easy enough. With some time to think about wording, that's what he wanted to tell her before, he just didn't know how. "It's got nothin' to do with their approval or not. The only two that matter for this is you and me, no point in makin' it more complicated than that. Maybe one day, but not right now."

"Oh. That's okay, then." She swung her legs, hands on either side of her knees, and hummed to herself. "Then... What we were discussing last night..." He cringed inwardly. "You just wanted to get some relief, huh?" Well... His father kept telling him to be honest, so he nodded, with no small amount of reluctance to admit to it.

"Yeah. I feel pretty crappy about that. Can we pretend like it didn't happen?" She said nothing, just watched her feet swinging.

"I don't think I want to."

"Why not? Aren't you mad that I'd try to use you like that?"

"Not at all!" She held her cheeks in her hands and smiled as a blush tinged her face. "It means you really do see me like any other girl! Yababa!"

... Did it? He skewed his face in thought, focussing on the eggs instead of the conversation. At the time he hadn't really thought about the fact that they were cousins. Maybe she was right. He'd been making an effort to touch her more and be more relaxed about hugs and affection, somewhere along the line there he'd forgotten he was supposed to be prickly about that. He was getting too deep into this. The sooner he shot her down and went back to being normal siblings, the better.

"I dunno if that's-"

"But that means you're still, like, totally _stressed_ right now, right?"

"Hah?" The fork slipped against the pan. "That's none of your business!" He busied himself with getting out plates for four. Didn't she see the obvious claw marks on his back and bruise under his neck? She could assume he was doing just fine from that. "Just forget all that stuff!"

"Is that why you're acting so weird?"

"I'm _not_ acting weird. Just get off my back about that, okay? I don't wanna talk about my sex life with you!"

" _Ever?_ "

"Sure as hell not _right now_. Just forget about it already!" He switched off the stove top and started divvying up the eggs onto plates.

"When your parents aren't here? Don't they usually have a date night together once a week?"

"Yeah, but what makes you think they'll leave us alone together if they do?" He tossed the frypan in the sink and pulled out utensils. "My dad wasn't that happy this morning."

"What did he say?"

Leon considered for a moment. What should he tell her? How much information did she need, what was appropriate or in his best interest to just leave out?

"Nothin' too harsh, I guess." He shrugged slightly. "We're officially banned from ever dating, though. So go crazy with your Romeo and Juliet fantasy. Wherefore art thou _Kuwata?_ "

"Seriously?"

"Yeah." Leon picked up two of the plates and brought them to the dining table. He set them in front of two of the seats and headed back for the other two plates. "I got off with a warning. I guess he doesn't know most of the, y'know, the _details._ Just thinks I'm humouring you or whatever."

"But you're not, right?"

"Depends who's askin'." He pulled open the fridge and took out a carton of orange juice. "Anyway, we really shouldn't talk about this right now. I already dodged _one_ bullet today, I'm not feelin' up to Russian Roulette." Once his glass was full, he returned the juice to it's place, and brought it past Kanon to take to his seat. He paused in front of her and quickly pecked her cheek. "It's our secret."

 

* * *

 

Once they'd finished breakfast, Leon returned to his room and got dressed. It was lucky he had free time today, he spent most of it watching TV with his parents and Kanon interchangeably, smalltalk about the news and their interests. The bulk of the day passed without much of notice happening, and it seemed like, for once, there wouldn't be something confusing and terrible he'd regret happening today. He was going into the kitchen for a snack when he heard the doorbell, and, not knowing who to expect, detoured to the front door to answer. A familiar face looked back at him, long black hair and apologetic eyes. His girlfriend.

"Hey, Leon-kun..."

"Ah? What're you doin' here?" He checked behind him for Kanon, and ducked outside to talk to her without being listened in on.

"... Am I not allowed in?" He kept holding the doorknob in one hand behind his back, an extra alert if anyone opened it.

"No, just, my parents are right there. It's awkward, right? I was gonna go out anyway, c'mon, let's take a walk." He took her hand and rushed them both down the porch.

"Kuwata-kun, your shoes?" He stopped, mutely cursed himself, and hopped back up to grab his sneakers. It wasn't worth tying the laces, he just continued with them undone, down the sidewalk and hopefully in a direction Kanon wasn't anticipating.

"What's up?"

"Kuwata-kun... Why are you acting so strange?" She stopped, arms folded, regarding him with suspicion. He stopped a few steps ahead of her.

"Nothin', I just feel weird with my girlfriend and my parents in the same room. That's okay, right? Like... What if you wanted to make out?" He tried to smile and give a playful tease, but she didn't buy any of it. It was pointless. There's no way she'd be that naive, and he was an awful liar. He sighed and stepped closer, voice down, and tried to take her hand again. "C'mon, I'll explain when we're a little further, okay?" Her eyes scanned his, eventually softening, and followed his lead.

"Alright, fine. But no dodging the question. How far?"

"Just a block or two should be okay." There was no one peeking out the window or skulking around the hedges. Odds were Kanon wasn't watching. They walked in moderate silence, all his attempts at smalltalk quickly shot down. They walked in a random direction, not towards her house or the baseball diamond, just through residential areas neither of them typically wandered around.

"So? Is this far enough?" He checked behind him. It seemed to be. There was a gas station just ahead, so he nodded towards it.

"Yeah, but I'm thirsty, it's my treat." She didn't seem impressed, but went along with it, and let him pull the door open for her. "You remember my cousin, don't you?"

"Yes, I remember her." Leon picked out his favourite brand from the fridges.

"Well, she's stayin' with my family this week."

"Oh!" There was relief in her voice, and a smile in her face. "You had me scared! I was nervous you were, well..." She shrugged and picked out a drink for herself. "It's not important."

"Huh? Of course it's important. What were you thinking?" They approached the till together and Leon fished a few coins from his pocket.

"No, I feel silly suggesting it! I know you're loyal." A cold feeling crossed his spine.

"You... You thought I was cheating?" The cashier thought better of saying anything, just quietly got Leon his change and receipt and passed them to him. His girlfriend jumped to cover herself, waving her hands in front of her and laughing nervously.

"I didn't know _what_ I thought! You've been, uhmm..." She chomped her teeth into her lip and looked to the side for words. " _Different_ lately. You haven't slept over in a while, and you seemed particularly upset with me yesterday..."

"No, it's nothin' like that! Just been distracted with Kanon lately, I guess. I don't wanna bore you with that stuff."

"Yeah, I know you two are close. There's no way she'd let you get away with being unfaithful."

"Right." He smiled and cracked open his drink as they left the shop. "I'm not smart enough to get away with cheating anyway." Just as they left, he nearly walked into a familiar figure in front of him. Gold eyes stared him down, no smile of recognition, just ice in her demeanour as he staggered back to avoid crashing into her. "Kanon?" No response. She just looked over to his girlfriend, then back to him. He messed the back of his hair. "Ah... You know my cousin, right?" He gestured towards her, a weak attempt at introducing them. "What're you doin' here, Kanon? I thought you were back at home." She said nothing, just looped her arm into his and leaned on his side, staring at his girlfriend. He laughed uncomfortably and tried to jostle her off. "Heh, what're you doin'?"

"It's nice to see you, Nakajima-san." His girlfriend smiled politely, but was obviously uncomfortable by what she was seeing. She took his other hand in hers and lightly pulled him more towards her. Leon cringed inwardly, not wanting to reciprocate either in front of the other, and inadvertedly made eye contact with the cashier through the window. What a show he was getting out of this.

"Kanon... Can you just see me at home later?" He kept trying to pull his arm free of her without being too rough about it. "We're talkin' about some stuff right now." She hugged his arm a little tighter.

"About being _too stupid to cheat,_ right?"

"Yeah, that's... That's what I said. I'll be home in a bit, okay? I promise I'll hang out with you later. We can watch a movie or somethin'."

"Leon-kun, is... Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, you're acting strange, Big Brother." He was at a loss for what to say. What kind of excuse could possibly save this? He took his hand back from his girlfriend and used it to push Kanon off his other arm, suddenly feeling cornered and defensive, standing apart form both of them.

"Just gimme some _space,_ alright?! I can't go _five seconds_ without you chasin' me down! Kanon, _go home!_ " He sharply pointed in the direction of his house and glared at her. "I said I'd talk to you _later,_ so I'll talk to you _later!_ Stop being weird and creepy!" Her cold air cracked, and she instead looked shocked. He was surprised himself. His temper was no secret to anyone, but around Kanon, he usually kept his cool. Had he _ever_ raised his voice at her before..? A shine caught on her eyes and he realized she was tearing up. His anger subsided and guilt took it's place. "Hey, don't..." He stifled himself from comforting her, balled his hands into fists and aggressively looked away. "Don't breathe down my neck all the time. Go home." Her lip quivered despite her obvious effort to keep her composure. She roughly rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Y-yababa," she muffled the word in her hand and spoke it softly. "Okay." With that, she turned and started a brisk walk back where he'd told her. Leon and his girlfriend watched her go for an agonizingly long time, but she didn't look back, not once. Not even when she rounded a corner and showed her profile. Leon let out a sigh when she was gone.

"Sorry," he muttered, and felt feminine hands loop around his arm. He glanced over to see his girlfriend searching his face.

"What was that all about?"

"It's... Been kinda tense. I don't have a lot of time to myself lately." She kissed his cheek reassuringly.

"It's alright. Do you want to be left alone for a while? Maybe try talking to her again?"

"In a bit. I wanna spend some time with you first, I need to cool off anyway. I'll just make it worse if I go now." He leaned to kiss her properly, and the two set off in the opposite direction as Kanon.

An hour dragged past while she told him about her tutoring and things going on in her father's life. Leon walked her home and kissed her at the door before heading back to the death trap that awaited him at home. Once there he kicked off his shoes and set to pouring himself a glass of orange juice, took it upstairs to his room. He paused in the hall while Kanon crept into his peripherals. He ignored her until he had taken a drink from it and rested his back against the wall.

"Yo," he greeted, and glanced the hall to see if his parents were nearby.

"Don't worry," Kanon didn't seem at all upset, just stepped closer. "They've gone out shopping." She slipped her hands into his back pockets and kissed on his jawline. He couldn't back up, but he set his cup down on an end table and leaned as far back as he could.

"Ah, you're not mad at me?"

"Why would I be mad?" She softly bit on his neck, below his ear. "You've never snapped at your cousin like that before, but you snap at _all_ your _girlfriends_. It's okay, I know you've cheated before. I don't like it, but as long as I'm first in your heart, you can have all the fun you want with your body. Didn't I tell you before? I'm in love with your mind and soul, not the meat and bones around it." She kissed his neck more, even as the heels of his hands pushed against her shoulders.

"Kanon... Are you serious right now? After I lied to you like that?"

"Mhmm," she tugged the neck of his shirt down a little ways to kiss at more of his skin. "I know Big Brother better than anyone else. You want what you can't have, banning you from other girls will only make you want them more." More of her soft bites wove between kisses. "You're finally treating me like you treat other girls. I'm so happy, I could totally start crying right now." He flinched from one of her bites. It was just as hard as the ones before, but she'd nipped right in the middle of the still-tender bruise on his collarbone. He pushed her away and covered it with one hand.

"Seriously? You're _happy_ about this?" The glint in her eyes and smile on her lips answered for her. She nodded sharply.

"Yababa, I've never wanted you more in my life, Big Brother!" She twirled back and forth, making her skirt flip open like petals of a flower. "You actually put me with other girls! You yelled at me and cheated on me and lied to me and told me to get lost!" He gave her a baffled stare.

"I... What?"

"I'm okay to be Big Brother's _fix,_ " she ran her fingers through his hair and slid the others behind the neck of his shirt. "You can use me if you want to. Just treat me like any other girl." Again, he pushed her off of him, this time turning and backing up a few steps away from the wall, so his back wasn't pinned.

"What're you talkin' about? I don't want to _use_ you! You're better than that!" She paused, fingertips ghosting on her lips.

"Better?"

"Of course you are! What, you think a girl offering herself to me all my life was never once tempting? It's like givin' a gourmet cake to a toddler, I'm just gonna wreck it and not appreciate it! What if I hurt you? What if we break up and you have to see your ex at every family reunion for the rest of your life? Kanon, my _best friend_ is at stake with this! I don't want to use you like that!"

"Is that... Is that really how you feel?"

"Yeah! Shit, Kanon, you know I care about you, I'd rather hang out with you than half the girls I dated, but you're... You're _different!_ "

Kanon's eyes were wide as he spoke, lips pursed. Her painted fingernails stayed covering her lower lip.

"You mean you're still not attracted to me?" He pressed the heel of his hand against his eye.

"That's not what I said. You've really... Grown up..."

"But I'm still not like other girls to you?"

"No." He couldn't cringe harder into his words. "I told you, you're better." He heard a faint gasp from her, and for a moment thought he might be able to hear her heartbeat from where he was standing. "Kanon... Don't you think you're _too good_ for me? You're not my type. I treated you like garbage, but you're not garbage, you should be chasin' a guy that doesn't lie and cheat." Calloused hands looped around his neck, and he had a bitter expression when he looked at her.

"So you maybe made mistakes. You're a teenager. I never for a second thought I was too good for you, it's _you_ that's too good for _me._ " She pushed a soft kiss to his lips, and he passively let her, while his hands hovered and rested on her hips. It broke slowly.

"Why?" Their foreheads touched, eyes closed.

"Where do I start? You're perfect- you're protective of me, kind to me, you make me laugh and treat me well, you're a terrible liar and seriously adorable when you try." He could hear the smile in her voice, and a faint laugh near the end. "You're so confident and optimistic, being with you always puts me in a good mood. We even like the same foods, you're, like, _obviously_ my soulmate, yanno?" He opened his eyes, though they were too close together to actually be able to see any recogniseable features. This was an ego boost, sure, but it was so much at once he didn't know what to do with it. He wasn't even sure all of that was even _true_ , but the fact that she saw his good traits under a magnifying glass was flattery in itself. He tipped to one side to kiss her again, lightly breaking it, only to dip back in again after. One hand rested in her hair to hold her into it, and after a moment one of hers mirrored it. His tongue ring clicked against the back of his teeth, over them, and tapped against hers. Her teeth opened to let him in and welcomed him with her own tongue. It was gentle on his, a little timid, but keen to try. All those things she said... Even if they _were_ all true, she'd completely ignored his faults, exaggerated his positive traits, like she didn't want to believe he wasn't a perfect person. As though she thought of him like some sort of god. What was he supposed to do with a girl that worshipped him like that? Her leg folded and brushed against his hip, where he ran his hand up along it and held it there, over her thigh high socks and under her skirt. He bit at the kisses rougher, pulling her in, knocking her off-balance. So she idolized him. Was that a bad thing? That's all a typical man wanted in a girl, wasn't it? His girlfriend thought he was hardworking and studious just because he went to Hope's Peak. His entire family thought he was some intellectual prodigy. So _what_ if Kanon saw him as a god? He should be _proud_ of that, even if he never earned it. Most of her weight was held by the arms looped around his neck and leg in his hand. Before he thought to correct it, she bounced up and locked her ankles together behind his back, still deep in the kisses and pulling their bodies close. He accomodated for balance, but staggered a couple steps at first. If she thought he was a god, there was no reason he couldn't do as he pleased, even if it hurt her in the process. What was a mere schoolgirl to a god? His conscience piped up in protest, but he squashed it down for now. This was too difficult to actively think about. He shoved it to the back burner and stroked her thigh as the kisses grew impossibly deeper.

"Am I first?"

" _My_ first?" He didn't want to talk about this. Or anything. Having a girl straddle him and smother him in kisses didn't put him in the mood for conversation. "No." He tried to shoot her down for discussion by kissing her more, but when it broke, she insisted.

"In your heart. Do you love me more than her?" Now he _really_ didn't want to talk about it. The question soaked in without his permission. He felt _differently_ about each of the two girls. While he liked being around his girlfriend for her body, he liked being around Kanon for her...

His kisses slowed down. He'd always enjoyed time with his cousin. Everyone knew they were close, they meant the world to each other. It was taught to him at an early age, however, that family was off-limits. When puberty hit he didn't even think she was an option, and she was too young to _look_ like one, anyway. By the time she'd caught up to him he was set on that idea. In his eyes she was always fresh snowfall, too pure to touch, not his place to roll around with. All the emotional love was there, though. Admired from a distance. Isn't that normal for siblings, or cousins that were _just as close_ as siblings? It didn't feel like the same hungry lust he felt for other girls. It couldn't be the same thing.

"Can we talk about this later?" Even as he said it, he was kicking himself for giving the single worst answer imaginable. "I mean, it'll take too long to put to words, and-"

"Shh," Kanon pushed her index over his lips. "I know Big Brother doesn't like to be kept waiting, but this is important. You can fool around all you like, I can't control you, it's your life and your body. I'm nobody to tell you what to do with it." As cute as it was to have to look up at her to keep eye contact, it was getting hard to hold her up like this. He wanted to skip ahead to when they were horizontal and words didn't require more thought than just remembering which name to say. "You can have as many girlfriends as you want, and I won't stop you, but..." She bit her lip. He knew the gist of what she wanted to say- she _wanted_ to be okay with being just another notch in his belt, but in all honesty, she wanted to be the _last_ notch. The one to tame his wild heart and put a ring on his finger. The same as all the other notches he'd forgotten the first names of.

"You want me to treat you like any other girl, right?" She nodded, still biting her lip and looking away. "I'm tellin' you, you're _better_ than they are. If you want me to stop, I'll stop. Just say 'no' one time and I'll get lost." He buried kisses into her forearm, still looped around his neck, the easiest place to reach when she was leaned back like she was. "You're too special to lose over that. You trust me for a reason, right? Not just 'cause it's the nice thing to say?" One of her hands lightly cupped his cheek, redirecting his eyes to meet hers. "I'm not gonna hurt ya, but... I'm not gonna _lie_ to ya, either. I really wanna do this." Not that he had to prove it- the way she'd locked her legs around him made it impossible to keep to himself just how _interested_ he was, at least physically. It was just the lines he'd practised. She wasn't like other girls, she was special, he'd never hurt her. He'd love her forever, until tomorrow. The same speech he'd practised on every notch.

"It's like... With Big Brother, I've got no _choice_ but to love you... Like I've got some kind of _addiction,_ yanno?" She melted back into kisses, no longer leaning away. To keep balance he stepped forward until her back met her door on the opposite wall and kissing her became much easier.

"Kanon, I'm useless with words. Lemme _show_ you how much you matter to me."

"Sh-show?" He looked over her shoulder to find the door handle, twisted it and practically fell through with her. He kicked the door closed behind him and in a short moment his foot hit the bedframe and knocked them down together. It was easier when he didn't have to worry about holding her up and maintaining balance the whole time. Still, she kept her hands somewhere safe, near his face until he lightly held her wrist and pulled it off.

"You can touch me," he kissed at her neck and flattened her hand on his chest. "It's alright to touch me." Her other hand timidly left his face and ghosted past his collarbone. It took her a little time to build the confidence to explore, shy touches he barely felt through his shirt, though they eventually built in curiosity and greed for more. She traced each contour until she hit his belt, looped around it and slipped one hand into his back pocket. One of his own was occupied loosening the tie on her outfit to open the collar up for biting at the crook of her neck. He only let up when he heard something crinkle and looked back at what it was. Kanon looked over his shoulder as well- her hand was holding up something from his pocket, where she could see what it was. A small square packet.

"Is this what I think it is?" She felt the shape under her thumb. "It's, like... Aren't they s'posed to be, yanno, _longer?_ " He looked back at her face in confusion.

"Longer? Kanon, d'you even know what that is?" She surprised him with how genuinely naive she was about this. She was younger than him, sure, but two years ago he'd definitely known what a condom was and how they worked.

"Don't make fun of me for it!" She pouted and lightly pushed his chest, as if scolding him, but too loving to even pretend to hit him hard. "I've always waited for Big Brother for all of this, if _you_ didn't show me, I don't _know_ it! Choberiba, I totally should've researched more..." He couldn't help but smile.

"Just do whatever you want, you don't need me to explain _everything,_ but, y'know, if ya _want_ me to, I guess I don't mind." He reached back to take it from her and pecked a couple more kisses into her neck. "They're rolled up in the pack, like a sock or somethin'. They stretch too, so don't think I've got a pencil or whatever, you could fit your arm in one of these."

"Hah? No, I didn't think that!" She sharply shook her head without thinking, knocking her chin against his head and making them both flinch in surprise. "It's like..." She rubbed her chin in one hand, the back of his head with the other. "We got pretty close before, so... I think I have a pretty good idea..."

"Cool. No surprises, then." He felt fingers tense in his hair and gently tug at the spikes he'd gelled into it. She was hugging his head pretty tightly, both arms holding him close, as if afraid he'd leave if she didn't.

"Will you explain everything to me?" He tried to nod, but she held him so tightly it was difficult. Still, she seemed to understand, and softly pecked into his hair. "And you'll be gentle with me? I-I'm... A little nervous..."

"God, that's cute." He pushed a gentle bite against her neck. "Yeah, I'll go slow, you've got nothin' to worry about." Her hug only loosened to kiss at his lips again, short, feverish ones, holding his face in both hands and roughly dotting kisses everywhere she could reach. He let her occupy herself with covering his face in lip gloss, his own attention more on the hand opening her blouse, eyes down and face warm in anticipation and curiosity. What kind of bra did she wear? Was it feminine and womanly, black with white lace, dainty bows and heavy seduction? Not even close. It was white, though he'd guessed right about the bow- a single small one in the centre. It wasn't a training bra, it was the type meant for a grown woman, but despite that, cartoon rabbits decorated it, posed to be chasing carrots, running or sleeping. He blinked at it. Kanon realized which one she was wearing and sharply covered herself in her arms.

"A-ah, I meant to have a different one! Choberiba... Let me get changed first!" She pushed against his shoulder to get up, still covering herself with one arm.

"What? No, it's really cute!"

"... You don't think it's childish..? She only let off a modicum of her tension.

"Mm, maybe a little. But," he leaned down a little and pecked over her hand at the flesh under her collarbone. "I just happen to _like_ rabbits." She relaxed a little more, and he kissed on the fabric where the bunnies played around, to the middle where he felt a slight bump to focus a longer, deeper kiss into. Kanon fidgeted under him, but didn't try to stop him.

"I-is it really okay?" He looked up at her face and nodded. With that, she laid back again, but still seemed stressed to watch him kissing her so intimately. Fingers dug into his shoulders and pushed further. Almost as if pleading him to continue, but far too shy to actually request it. Or trying to push him off entirely. Regardless her reason, she didn't seem aware she was doing it, just continuously relaxing further and looking at him through heavy lust. He remembered his promise to explain what he did, however.

"You wanna take this off?" As an afterthought, he leaned back and shrugged off his jacket. He expected she'd feel vulnerable and exposed- after all, she _would_ be- but hopefully it would put her at ease if he was in the same state. He crossed his arms over his midriff and pulled his shirt over his head, promptly tossing it to the floor behind him. When he returned his attention to Kanon, he found her propped on her elbows, keenly watching him with wide eyes. He smirked and stifled a laugh. As self-conscious as it made him to have her stare holes into him, it was still flattering that he could stun her with the simplest of things. He hooked one finger through the middle of her bra and pulled it, not hard enough to reveal anything it didn't already, but enough to startle her attention back to what he'd asked. "What'cha starin' at?"

"Sorry!" She covered her face in her hands. "I-I don't mean to stare! It's just, yanno, Big Brother is so... And... And I'm... Y- _y'know?!"_ He leaned over her again and kissed where her neck was open.

"C'mon, knock that off, I'm just some guy. You need help gettin' this off?" He tried to feel around to the back, finding it awkward from this position. Some part of him expected it to be as difficult as his girlfriend's. Instead, while he was feeling blindly around the back, he noticed the clasp was in the front, just under the bow. He unhooked it easily, just one hand to pull the clasp and it loosened. She peered through her fingers at him.

"Is it really okay?"

"What? You mean, like... Is it okay _to do this_ , 'cause we're related?"

"Ah, no, not that!" She covered his mouth in both her hands. "Don't say that. You hate thinking about that. I'm just any girl, right?" She forced a smile. "I mean... You're not disappointed with my _body,_ huh? It's okay?" He glanced down to see what she was referring to. Most of her body still had clothes on. Her shirt was open, but still on her shoulders, and her bra was in a position where it still had anything noteworthy covered. Her midsection was the only part of her he wasn't used to seeing anyway, and there was nothing obviously _wrong_ with it. Just a fairly typical waist. If anything, he'd have only compliments to say about it. She had a slight build and kept in shape. Her skin was soft and smooth anywhere but her palms.

"Mm... I dunno..." He skewed his lip and contemplatively held his chin. One of the benefits of his style- when he make the gesture of stroking a beard, he really had a beard to stroke. "I'd say it's on the same level as mine. It's not fair to be disappointed in _that,_ huh?" He tapped just under her rib with his index. "I've got that same freckle, even. See?" He pointed at his own ribs, where he did, in fact, have a freckle in roughly the same area, just mirrored left to right. "We match." Kanon said nothing, just looked at the hardly-similar freckles, as if trying to decode their meaning. Leon shook his head and dipped down to peck the one on her ribs. "Don't overthink it, okay? Remember what I said about‌ kissing? Well, same deal, just do what feels right. Tell me if I do somethin' you like or not. It's more of an art than a science."

"Eros," she mumbled, barely loud enough for him to hear. He didn't know what it meant, if it was some more muddled up gyaru slang or just some word he didn't know. It didn't seem like she meant for him to hear it anyway, so he ignored it. Instead he trailed his affection down below her ribs, where the bone relieved and gave way to the softer flesh of her waist. He could tell her breathing was getting uneven the more he kissed. Still, he kept his promise in mind.

"D'you wanna take this off?" He tugged the hem of her skirt. "I kinda like makin' eye contact."

"Eye contact with _what?_ " He kissed her thigh through the pleats on her skirt.

"I'm not gonna put all the pressure on you to decide and tell me when and where to do _everything_. So just tell me to stop if you don't like it, okay?" A sharp nod gave the confirmation he needed, and with it, permission to unclasp and unzip her skirt. He pulled it free of her legs and discarded it to the floor. Maybe he shouldn't be surprised, given the rabbits from earlier, but he hadn't exected panties with cursive lettering that said _'Friday'_ on the front. She folded her legs together out of modesty and shyness, but he just got back to it with a lazy smile. "It's Friday?" He kissed just above the elastic, near the inside of her hip bone. "Coulda sworn today was Monday."

"Ch-choberiba..." He felt fingers tangle into his hair and could tell from her voice she was bright red. This probably wasn't at all how she imagined this. Still, it was obvious from this perspective that she'd been enjoying what he'd done so far. A sizeable wet spot was still visible, even with her knees together like they were. Leon kissed over the cursive I and D, earning gentle pulls on his hair and nervous squirms all over her. Being this close was making him flex his self restraint. The temptation was overpowering. He pushed the inside of her thigh to get her to open her legs more, which she complied, slowly, still tense and barely granting him any room. It was enough. He opened his mouth wide and dragged his tongue over the wet area, making her stifle back a yelp and grip his hair tighter. "Ah, Big Brother, y-you don't have to do that!" He looked up at her face for a moment and met her eyes, but said nothing, just gave a shorter lap over the same area. The taste soaked through the thin fabric, just barely, only enough to make him interested in finding out what she really tasted like. After a moment Kanon relaxed further and let him continue. He gave her a few more licks, alternating pressure and length, figuring out which ones got the best reactions and repeating them. While she was arched back and panting she barely seemed to notice him move her bra. She hadn't responded negatively when he'd unhooked it, so he doubted this was off-limits, and flipped the other side open as well. It gave a much better view to look through at her face. He pulled back and brushed his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Let's get this outta the way," he said aloud, making sure she knew what he was doing and why. She looked back at him, flushing darker than he'd ever seen her, eyes heavy with lust. He pulled the waistband of her panties down, only a brief moment of tension before Kanon let him. They were so wet the middle portion stuck to her for a moment. They too joined the other clothing on the floor while Leon returned to his previous position, a few soft kisses off to the sides to make sure she was comfortable, then flattening his tongue on her and dragging his piercing along. The taste hit him abruptly. It was sweeter than he would've expected, but sour, and almost citrusy. He had another lick to familiarize with it, while Kanon gripped his hair roughly and bit back a whine. Funny, he hadn't really done much yet, but just knowing it was him seemed to magnify her responses. He lightly closed his lips over her clit and gave it a gentle suck, curious how she'd respond to something a little more intense, and immediately felt fingernails in his shoulder. Her legs adjusted, hanging over his shoulders, heels squirming against his back. The tiniest effort on his part was earning the type of reactions that normally took a while to work up to. He had to remember to go step-by-step and pace himself so as not to overwhelm her all at once. Only now and then he used his piercing, but for the most part, he let it rest flat and not overwhelm her too soon. He kept eating at her without pausing for a breath or rest, and before long he was noticing some signals. Her breathing changed- more shallow, more desperate- while she kept gripping in his hair and straining herself closer. Her skin was tinted in pink, not just on her face but all along her body. Tiny twitches and fidgets weren't limited to the areas he kissed and licked at, either. Her toes behind his head and the hands messing up his hair shivered just the same. She didn't say anything about it, just had her eyes fluttered shut as her voice quivered from every moment of contact. Even without her telling him, he could tell she was right on the edge, so he closed his eyes and pressed in closer to finish her off. It was no surprise when she hit her climax a moment later. The fingers in his hair yanked harder, her body pressed up against him rougher, fluid splashed his tongue. It was more than he expected, but he licked it off her anyway as she rode out the waves of pleasure. Her breath came in gasps and she relaxed back down over a few of them. When she wasn't holding him quite so tightly he lifted himself off and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Kanon seemed worn out when she looked at him, but quickly processed what had just happened, and sharply sat forward, wiping his face with her sleeves and repeating countless apologies.

"Ch-choberiba, I'm so sorry, Big Brother! I didn't think... I-I should've said..!" Her awkward half-sentences kept fumbling from her without any conclusions. Leon caught her wrist in one hand and silenced her with a kiss.

"Don't apologise," he kissed again between words, "You didn't force me to do that. If I didn't _want_ to, I wouldn't do it. You feelin' good?"

"Ah... cinnamon..."

"What?"

"You taste different..."

"Like cinnamon?"

"Mm... Like apple pie... Did you have apple pie earlier?"

"Nah, just a cherry." She dove behind her hands in embarrassment.

"I didn't realize it was that! Choberiba, I'm sorry for being so embarrassing, Big Brother!"

"Leon." He pulled her wrist back and tapped a kiss on her cheek. "Call me Leon right now."

"Leon..." She said it over a sigh, features softened and the smitten look back on her face. Leon pushed another kiss into her lips while undoing his belt. He hadn't wanted to take his attention off her earlier, but now he couldn't keep ignoring the feeling below his waist. His pants were suffocating. Just getting his belt open gave some much needed breathing room, but he'd kept his body denied for too long, the sense of lust and hunger had grown into need and starvation. It reflected in how aggressively he kissed her. As much as he wanted to be gentle and avoid hurting her, his heart was beating out of his chest, body pleading for a little relief. It only took a moment to toss aside his briefs, up on his knees in front of Kanon, tearing the same packet from earlier open with his teeth. She watched with curiosity while he rolled it on and carelessly tossed the wrapper to the floor.

"Just relax," he reminded her, and backed her to the bed with a kiss. It distracted her while he shifted her thighs open and lined himself up with her still-soaked entrance. "Don't be nervous, you're totally loosened up right now." She nodded against him, arms looped around his neck again.

"Will it hurt?"

"Maybe a little, at first. It'll get better, but tell me if it's too much and I'll stop."

"Okay. I will."

"Just take a deep breath if you're scared." She started a deep inhale, and as she did, he pushed his hips forward. When he met resistance he gave a little extra force to break past, making her whimper with discomfort, but she didn't signal that it was too much, so he continued pressing deeper. She held him tightly, face buried into his shoulder, nails dug in his back. It felt incredible. She was nervous and tense enough to be shaking, and as much as he wanted to reassure her so she'd stop, the feeling of her lower lips nervously sucking and squirming over his length was making his head spin with pleasure. He found himself being in need of a moment to collect himself again. "A-ah, Kanon, shit, you're amazing." He pushed hard kisses into her shoulder. "You okay?" As incredible as it was to just be inside her, his body was aching to move, the desire to be rough with her overwhelming. After a moment she nodded. "I'm gonna start to move, alright?" She held on a little tighter, but nodded. He could hardly control the urge to bite and ram against her. The lust was spilling over. He had to grit his teeth to keep his focus, remember who he was with, how delicately he had to treat her and how important it was not to hurt her. Just gentle. He slid back in a smooth motion, forward in another, an agonizingly slow pace to let her familiarize with the sensation. Kanon's breath was rough and laced with whines and moans she tried to stifle. The fingers on his back clawed down his sides and returned near his spine for a better grip, only to slip and scratch new marks near the first. The pace, though still slow, was building up to what his body craved. It seemed like she was handling it alright, so he cut his restraints and followed instinct, chasing the pleasure instead of worrying over details. If she was hurt or uncomfortable, he trusted she'd speak up about it. If nothing else, she'd tell him out of obedience for his request, rather than care of her own body.

With each motion her voice spilled over, his breath groaned over his teeth, and her bedsprings squeaked under both of them. If anyone was anywhere in the house there's no doubt they'd've been caught. The risk of his parents returning and the cousins being found out gave it's own twinge of adrenaline and pleasure. All that talk about how he wasn't allowed to have her. Did he want her this much before being scolded and told to do _the right thing?_ He had _tried_ to do this earlier, sure, but not with half the fever he had now. He bit more heated kisses against her shoulder. The moment got away from him, and before he was thinking, he'd sucked the skin hard enough to pull a bruise to the surface. It wasn't so big or poorly placed that it would be easily seen, but depending on what neckline she wore, there was still a chance it would be. Then what? Would he be scolded? Slapped on the wrist? Struck in the face? Banned from seeing her again, chased away when he tried to visit her?

Or would their parents support them, like Kanon had always dreamt? Would they smile and laugh as they said it saved them the concern of not liking their future daughter-in-law? Would her father give him a speech about what would happen if he ever hurt her?

What was the option he hated more?

The risk made his heart skip. No matter what, Kanon would land on her feet. Would he? He nipped at the fresh bruise, too softly to draw any more purple out of it, and replaced it with a kiss to compensate for leaving a mark without permission. Just as he kissed further on her shoulder, where the skin was still a milky porcelain, she let out another drawn-out moan and clawed new lines against his back. She tightened on him while she arched in pleasure and pushed close to him through it. He lost his attention entirely while she squirmed and moaned through a second orgasm under him. Somehow he'd been too distracted to realize that had been approaching. Admittedly it made him a little jealous that she'd already gotten off twice. He kissed into her breathless lips and continued with more force and urgency than before. His own was creeping up too slowly for his liking. He kept working Kanon over and making her gasp and groan from fatigue and overstimulation. Just a little more. Their lips were together when it finally hit. Sparks of pleasure jolted around his waist and up his spine, drawing out a raw moan of satisfaction.

The ecstasy lasted precious seconds before starting to fade into the more tame feeling of relief. He had to stop and recollect his breath before realising Kanon was holding his cheeks and dotting kisses over his face. When the dizzy pleasure subsided, he readjusted to lay beside her instead of on top of her, held in a kiss while he blindly pulled off the used condom and tossed it to the corner she kept her trash bin in. His aim was perfect, he didn't need to look, and he was too fatigued to bother. As he relaxed on his back next to her, Kanon cuddled into his side. Her favourite place.

"That was awesome," he kissed the top of her hair, near the bow, still loosely in place. It was the same pillow talk he always used. "You're really incredible." Kanon seemed too worn out to trace shapes into his chest, just rested her hand flat.

"That's what you say to all the girls," she mumbled, and from her voice, there was no doubt she was too exhausted to make it a complaint.

"So?" He lazily held her close and closed his eyes, fully prepared to have an afternoon nap right where he was. For a few minutes they stayed there, bare skin open to the air and quickly getting cold. When the drying fluids and cool air became too irritating, Leon sat up again and stretched out his arms. Kanon sat up with him and hugged her knees. Her blouse was still hanging off her shoulders, and when she held her calves like this, it almost served as a blanket, despite how far off her shoulders it had slipped. She watched with tired eyes while her cousin climbed off her bed and found his clothes in her messy room. Neither said a word until he was doing up his belt.

"Are you leaving?" Despite how she looked, Kanon's voice didn't sound tired, just confused.

"I just wanna get my drink, y'know, rehydrate." He fastened his belt and set his hands on his hips. "Guess it's a habit to get dressed first, and it's kinda cold anyway. You want one too?" She nodded with a closed-lipped smile.

"Yeah, just mineral water, 'kay?"

"Sure," he pulled open the door, collected his orange juice from the end table, and brought it with him to the kitchen. He pulled open the fridge to get a bottled water for Kanon, when a sound startled him.

"Hey Sport, where's your shirt?" The bottle fell from his hands and hit the floor.

"Ah, Dad? What're you doin' here?" He knelt to pick up the bottle again, talking loud and nervously glancing in the direction of Kanon's room. The door was still open, but she was nowhere in sight. "Kanon said you were shopping with Mom, how long have you been back?"

"We've been here all day, Leon." He leaned against the counter and crossed his arms. "Is there something you wanna confess while your mother's in the yard?" The blood left his face. _All day?_   Kanon had lied about them being gone? But, if that was right... He clenched his teeth tight and anxiously topped off his orange juice.

" _Confess?_ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry to end it there but this chapter was already way too long aaahhhhhh  
> i guess this is a cliffhanger huh ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ comment and take a guess at what happens next!


	7. Chapter 7

Leon's hands weren't steady as he poured out his juice. He prayed it would be chalked up to just the carton being mostly full and pouring in uneven spurts between gasps. In actuality it was his nerves getting the better of him. Here he was, barefoot and shirtless, hair a mess and lip gloss smeared all over his face, fresh scratch marks on his back... There's no way he could talk himself out of this. He let out a calming breath and set the juice carton back where he found it, sipped his glass, and rested his back against the fridge.

"What's the problem?" He played it cool, his best effort at it, testing the water to see how much of a lie he could get away with.

"You look nervous, Kiddo."

"I'm kinda cold." His father narrowed his eyes.

"Son, I don't want to have to scold you."

"Can we do this later?"

"What were you doing, just now?"

"You already know, right? So why're you tryin' to make me admit it? It's pointless if you already know."

"You were with Kanon again, weren't you?"

"Nope." Leon crossed his arms and scowled. "Can you lay off me? What happened to all that shit about trustin' me to do the right thing?"

"Sometimes boys your age need a little _guidance_ , that's all. Just tell me what you did and why you're not wearing a shirt in November. We'll work it out together, find a solution, it doesn't have to be an argument." Leon felt a rush of anger. Where was this coming from? His father was being patient and helpful, sparing him all sorts of punishment he probably deserved. Something in him felt threatened. Scared, even.

"I don't _want_ your help!" He snapped, making his father jolt in surprise. "Just piss off and let me live my own life, alright?! It's got nothin' to do with you!" He stood closer, both of them surprised by how much height Leon had gained in the past years, now barely standing shorter than his father. Thinner and lankier, sure, but if he stood straight, it might be difficult to know which was taller. He showed his teeth like a dog ready to bite. "If you were actually home all day, you wouldn't be dancing around it like this, you'd know exactly what happened and who I was with! You've got no idea what happened, so stop actin' like you caught my hand in the cookie jar when I didn't do anything wrong! You'd just love for me to be some kinda perverted criminal, huh? Quit talkin' tough and actually _do_ somethin' for once, then I might believe you. I've been with _my girlfriend_ all day, don't assume the worst like that." He shoved past his father, rougher than he meant to, and fumed back up the steps.

He threw Kanon's mineral water into her room and returned to his own to cool off. When his bedroom door was locked behind him, he let out a shaking sigh. That had rattled him more than he thought it would. He commended his own quick thinking and opened his drawers to find a clean shirt, only to stop short and stare at the girl sitting on his bed. "Kanon? I thought you..." He glanced back at the door. How did she slip in here without him noticing? At least she was dressed and tidied up again, with his shirt and jacket set beside her, legs crossed daintily and hands rested on her knee.

"You told your dad I was up here, right?"

"Did I?" His phrasing returned to him. He'd said his girlfriend. "Ah, that, yeah, I guess."

"I _am_ your girlfriend now, aren't I?"

"Well, I mean, I wouldn't be that _hasty_ about it..." He awkwardly hid under the lip of his orange juice. "I mean, I've still _got_ one, remember?"

"Big Brother's Harem, huh? Population: Two! Is it two? You can tell me if there's more!"

"Kanon, you're way too happy about this..." He shook his head, set the glass on his night stand and retrieved the shirt she'd brought back for him. "Most girls in your situation would be pissed and come at me with a kitchen knife."

"You're so silly. I couldn't hurt you even if I tried, the metal would bounce right off your skin, right?"

"The hell are you talkin' about?" He pulled his shirt back on and idly fixed his hair. "That definitely won't happen, and don't try to prove me wrong about it. I don't have a harem."

"You want lots and lots of groupies though, right? What's the difference? I'll be one of your groupies if you like that better."

"Ah... Sure, fine, you can be my groupie." He picked up the jacket and slid it back on. "Just no more stuff about stabbin' me, it's creepy when you word it like that."

"Okay!" She hopped up to her feet and looped her arms around his neck. All he could do was look to one side in irritation, playing it up like he was more annoyed by it than he really was. She pecked his nose and giggled. Childish, but admittedly still pretty cute. Leon sighed. Kanon's smile faded a few shades. "Hey... You still like me, don't you?"

"Of course I do." There were worse fates than getting too much affection. At least, as long as they were careful, it meant he could get some action any time he wanted. As time passed the conversation lightened, they sat side-by-side on his bed, talking about movies, friends, celebrities... An hour escaped him before he'd realized it had started. Talking to her was easy, when it wasn't having the same argument about her confessing her love. The air felt clearer. The tension cut. If she wanted to lean into him, he let her. Everything felt smoother than it had the day before. All permissions were granted. They were never strangers in mind, and now even in body it felt as if they were tuned to the same frequency.

And, strangely enough, he didn't just want to dive out the door and avoid speaking to her again. Maybe it was because they'd known one another so long, because if he did, he wouldn't be abandoning some nameless faceless notch, but _Kanon_. His friend for as long as he could remember. It did feel odd that there wasn't a sense of disconnect, either. He still felt a sense of companionship and friendship towards her. There was no awkwardness when he expressed an opinion or fumbled his words. But with it was the attraction he felt for girls in his class. Glances at her chest that didn't feel out of place. Passing thoughts about her hands on him, lips close behind. He didn't just want to sleep with her and run from her dad, however. He wanted to hear her thoughts and make her laugh. Was that because she was his cousin, or some other reason entirely? He laid back on his bed and chewed his thoughts. What was this feeling called? How could he describe it to her, next time she asked him about his feelings?

To avoid confronting his father, Kanon helped her cousin climb out his bedroom window, directed him on footholds to climb down. He didn't bother asking how she knew this so well. Once he was on the ground again, he waved up at her with a smile, and took a jogging speed down the block.

He beamed. Not only had he gotten relief, he'd tricked his father about who had been his partner. His girlfriend suspected nothing. Kanon was happy to be his 'groupie'. Sure, there had been bumps along the way, but for the most part, he was happy with where Kanon's pitch had gotten him. Avoiding being caught was fun. It added a fresh challenge. High risk. Reward? He wasn't sure yet. Extra time in the bedroom? Feeling closer to his cousin than ever before? Something like that. It definitely _felt_ high reward. He folded his arms behind his head and smiled at the world ahead of him. What could ruin this?

After a few minutes of aimless wandering, he returned home through the front door, finding his father standing near the stairs, as if waiting for him. Damn. The whole point of climbing through the window and around to the door was to avoid him.

"Sheesh, what's with you?" He headed to the kitchen to get a bite. "You're treatin' me like a criminal." When his back was turned, he felt a tap on his shoulder, and shrugged it off in annoyance. "Leave me alone, I didn't do anything wrong."

"Leon," It was his mother's voice. He turned, the irritation written in bold. "Have you been helping Kanon with... Something?"

"Ah, you gotta be more specific." He faced her properly, arms crossed, back against the counter. "We help each other with lots of stuff."

"Well, has she had... Is she dating someone?"

"... Not that I know about." He had to look away. That stare was too difficult to hold.

"Your father was with me in the yard this morning, he went in to get something and heard, well... It's not important. You weren't home, but she's not to have boys over here. You know that, don't you?" The surprise on his face must've played to his favour. What a stroke of luck. He was sure he'd been caught and was about to be _crucified_ for what he'd done, but it sounded like his father was still covering for him. "You look surprised." She patted his cheek, condescending, but endearingly. "I guess it probably wasn't anything to do with you. I just thought, well, since you two are so close, she might've said something. I don't want to embarrass her by asking. I'm not her mother, so scolding her feels a little strange to me. Your father offered to do it, but, well, you know how he is with disciplining you kids." His mother let out a sigh and shook her head. The man a few meters behind her raised his hands in annoyance, but lowered them quickly before she looked back at him. Leon just offered a playful, but thankful smirk. "I can't believe she's so grown up already. In my opinion, you're both much too young to be dating." Leon fiddled with his hair and cautiously tested the waters.

"So... Kanon had someone over, huh?"

"Seems like it. I went to get some of the spare towels from the guest room while you two were playing together earlier, I found some, well... I really don't know if I should be telling you this, but since she likely took it from your room..." In one smooth gesture she flicked out the small square packet from earlier. Leons eyes widened. He'd been neglectful and distracted, and neither him nor Kanon had gotten a chance to clean up the evidence. When his mother went to Kanon's room, that little square wrapper had been left out where she could find it. Stupid, stupid mistake.

"Ah, that's... I got no idea how she got that..."

"Well, it is the same brand as the box in your sock drawer..."

"Mom! Don't go in there!"

"Big Brother," they all turned their attention to Kanon, standing at the foot of the stairs. It was as though she didn't notice the sudden spotlight on her, just glided over to her cousin and hugged around his waist, face buried in his chest.

"Kanon, what're you doin'...?" He gingerly tried to push her off. What could she possibly be planning with this? His parents were now focussed on him, a mix of disapproval and awkwardness. Leon leaned down to speak quieter in her ear. "Later," he snipped the word at her, quiet and subtle, but aggressive and cutting. She complied and let him go, instead sitting on the edge of the counter, looking over at him with an uneasily long time between blinks. "I'll deal with it, Mom. Weren't you goin' out anyway? Like, to the movies or somethin' with Dad?"

"I don't remember them mentioning that," Kanon said it flatly, without taking her stare off of Leon. He put his hand over her face and continued.

"It'll be nice to have time alone, right, Kanon? We won't throw any parties, don't worry!" His mother pouted, arms crossed, but his father sighed and retrieved his coat.

"I meant to surprise you," he lied, and patted his wife on the shoulder. "I thought it would be nice. The kids will keep each other in check, and they probably don't want us around all the time anyway." The stern look on her face evaporated and she held both his hands in her own.

"Really?" Such a wide smile. It had been a long time since they'd gone on a date night together. Like Kanon said- kids ruined marriages. With the help of his father, he managed to shoo his parents out of the house, and even convince them to send a text when they were on their way home. What could be better? He let out a sigh so deep his lungs could've collapsed.

Once they were gone, it was seconds before slender arms wrapped around him again.

"Kanon... We gotta be more discreet..." He pushed her arms off, eyes on the window while his parents pulled the family car out and into the street. "My dad knows what we did. He's bein' super lenient, I dunno why, but he is. My mom thinks you had somebody else over and I'm s'posed to tell you you're not allowed to do that anymore, so... Only when they're gone, okay?" The car idled a while, and he could see through the window that they were probably disagreeing about which theatre to go to. Kanon stood on tip-toe for a kiss, which Leon dodged and held both hands in front of him, defensive, but also pleading. "Kanon, c'mon, d'you _want_ us to get caught? They can still see!"

"Big Brother..." She crossed her arms over herself, giving a tight hug. "I want _everyone_ to know, _including_ your parents. You've made me so happy. I just want to scream it to the whole entire world!" She let herself go and held each of his hands in her own, swaying them back and forth in excitement. "Hubba hubba, what a hottie!"

"Cut that out!" He shook her hands off his own and backed away further. "I don't want _anyone_ to know, _especially_ not them!"

"Mm," Kanon tapped her lip with one finger. "You don't get that same feeling, like your heart is spilling over and leaking your love out all over the place? Like it's just gonna pop unless you tell someone about it?"

"Well... No, I don't. I mean, sure, I like you, but you're still my cousin. I don't want to tell anybody I'm screwin' my cousin."

"And... You don't want _me_ to tell them, either?"

"No, I don't want anyone to _know,_ not if it's me or you or a magical fairy that tells 'em, _I don't want anyone to know._ It's our dirty little secret, huh?" Finally, the headlights left the window and peeled down the street. Looks like his mother had won that argument. Leon felt the tension leave, stood closer, tapped his forehead to hers and wove their fingers together. "When nobody's around, I'm all yours. Isn't that what you wanted? I think I'm really gettin' into this." The words broke into a kiss. Kanon didn't fight any of what he was doing, nor did she push it closer, just stayed in place like a mannequin.

"How do you feel about me? Am I first in your heart? Am I your number one girl? If you don't want to tell anyone... Just tell me. What do you think of me?"

"C'mon, just let me _show_ you, I'm better at that." He edged closer, trying to coax her into a kiss.

"Can you _try_ to use words?" She pushed him back, one hand in the centre of his chest to stop him. They both went quiet a while to let him think. It was on his mind all day. No matter what he was doing, this question was burning right at the front of his brain. How could he tell her what this feeling was? The first time he'd told a girl he loved her, it was petty and stupid, and in hindsight he knew that's not what it was. Infatuation was hard to ignore. When he'd said it the second time, it was to avoid being in trouble for saying nothing when she'd said it first. There were no feelings involved at all. Since then he'd thrown it around like it was nothing. A girl was cute and gave him a smile- he loved her and made her his world until he got his fix. If his friends had asked him, then no. Hell no. He'd never loved her. Her thighs, maybe, but not her.

Then what was this feeling in his chest? The only girl he cared to hear the opinions of. His best friend. The feeling of bliss when he made her laugh, the cutting guilt when he made her cry. The urge to protect her that had always been there, jealousy when other boys turned their heads, insistence that she was too young and too good for them. That warm, blooming feeling when he'd first forced himself to kiss her. The new sense of lust he'd finally allowed himself to feel when she swung her hips or wore a low-cut neckline.

"I think I love you," the words felt warm and raw, the most honest thing he'd ever said. His eyes were closed and smile was unexpected. It felt like he'd been admitting to something obvious. Like it had always been there, he was just acknowledging it for the first time.

A coarse hand roughly met his cheek, making him stagger backwards from surprise and hold his face in one hand. Kanon had just _slapped_ him. He stared at her, feeling more vulnerable than he ever had before, more confused than any other time this week. That was true. He didn't lie. He loved her. What was the problem? He _did_ love her, didn't he?

"No, you don't." There were tears in her words. "You _lust_ for me. It's different."

"What?" He checked his hand, almost expecting to see blood, but saw none. "No it's not! You wanted to be treated like other girls, right? What's the problem?"

"I- I'm not okay with being part of your harem!"

"I never _asked_ you to!"

"I don't want to have to share you, I want you to love me and feel the way I do, and... And I want to be able to kiss you no matter who's looking, 'cause I'm your girlfriend, and we're in love! I don't want to be your secret!"

"Kanon, we _can't_ tell people about this, they'll eat us alive! I do, I really _do_ love you! Aren't you gonna say you love me too?"

"Big Brother, I'm... I'm really confused... A-as long as there's love, it doesn't _matter_ if we're cousins!"

"I'm tellin' you, it _does!_ C'mon, don't do this, this isn't the time for this role-reversal shit! Didn't you hear me? I said I love you! That's the part when you say you love me too, so I don't wanna fling myself off a bridge for tellin' my cousin I'm in love with her!"

"I can't control how I feel any more than you can, but... I don't... I don't _want_ to love you anymore. Not if this is what you think love is."

"Huh? What're you saying? This is _everything_ you wanted! I'll take you everywhere I go, you can touch me and hug me and do whatever you want, it's okay with me! I'll even let you hit me again if it'll make you feel better!"

"Big Brother... My parents are back tomorrow... Will you still feel like this if I'm not just the most convenient ew-scray around?"

"Ewsc... Kanon, you gotta quit usin' that outdated slang, I got no idea what you're sayin'. I'll feel like this tomorrow, I _know_ I will!"

"Then prove it. Prove I'm not just any other girl to you."

"I thought you _wanted_ to be any other girl to me."

"So did I. Turns out I don't." She crossed her arms and rubbed her upper arms, huddled up as if she felt cold. "I just... I want you to feel the same way about me as I do about you. I know you can't do that so suddenly, maybe not ever, even still, I..."

"But-" She stopped his words with fingertips on his lips. Rough scaley hands he'd grown accustomed to.

"You're ashamed to tell your parents about me. If you really loved me, it wouldn't matter who knew. You'd want to _brag_ about me. At least... That's how _I_ feel about _you._ It should be the same, right? Instead you're just saying that you love me just so I'll be your ooty-bay all-cay without complaining about it. Choberiba, I gotta just think on this, okay?"

"Ootiebay ulkay... Wait, you mean _'booty_ _call'?_ C'mon, I told you to quit it with the stupid _ig-pay atin-lay._ " He drew a lopsided smile at his own joke, and saw just a hint of one mirrored in her. She bowed her head so as to stop him from seeing it, but he knew he'd gotten her to smile, if just a little. The warm fluttery feeling it gave him only reaffirmed what he already thought he knew. "Can't you just trust me and believe me when I say I love you?"

"Of course I do, Big Brother... How many times have you lied to me just this week? I can always trust a dishonest man to be dishonest."

"If my _words_ are no good, let me use my _actions_ then. I'll _prove_ it. We've got at least two hours before my parents get back, in that time I can totally-"

"Prove your _lust,_ yeah. It's not the same thing."

"Then tell me what the difference is!"

"You should be able to figure that out on your own. If you can't, then... I dunno. Maybe this is the best I can get. But I want you to at least _try_ to understand the difference, yanno? So... So you can know how I feel."

Leon let out a sigh and absently smoothed back his hair. It wasn't like him to actually have to put _effort_ into his relationships, but understanding her feelings and granting a little empathy seemed a fair request. This wasn't just a matter of appeasing her anymore. He actually _wanted_ to prove he wasn't lying, not this time. He ought to stop lying altogether. She deserved a guy that wouldn't lie to her. If he really wanted to keep making her smile and falling asleep beside her, he had to _be_ the kind of person she deserved.

"Sure. I'll prove it. I'll sweep you off your feet with how much I love you." A soft kiss met his answer, light hands on either side of his jaw.

"You've made me so happy, Big Brother... Even if you don't love me, I'm happy I got to experience all this with you."

"Yeah... Me too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More like the typical length... I thought about combining the next part with this one, but I feel like the next one might be long again so this one should help balance it out more. Some stuff is shifting around, huh? :0c All that lying can't end well...


End file.
